#I don’t know what magic I did today that made it look sparkly

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Sneak peek

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Elliot Cuevas Lore Check (Yoidoreshirazu MV Analysis)

After the intellectuals in our community had the thought to check the description of DRDTdev’s latest MV masterpiece, one fact became pretty clear: DRDT’s sparkly new MV is not fronted by one of our main cast of sixteen, or even a particularly pre-established side character. Instead, it’s time for Elliot Cuevas to take the stage, and bring with him a lot of questions ranging from “wait, that’s what he looks like?” to “wait, is the killing game predicated on a basis of lies?!” There’s… a lot running through my mind right now, and I see no better way to process it than to start answering the questions that I and others may have as best I can through a theory post. I’m living!

And when I say “answering the questions,” I mean that quite literally. I think that the best way to frame this analysis is to divide it into headlining questions, and tackle what we know and what we can learn piece by piece. Therefore, I think the most obvious question we can start with is:

#1: Who is Elliot Cuevas?

We don’t have a ton of information about the guy, but I’ve tried to compile what we do. By far the most information we’d gotten on Ellie prior to this MV was from the Chapter 2 Part 1 Q&A, where DRDTdev described a little about all of the major siblings we’d heard of so far. Here’s what DRDTdev said:

So, we know that Elliot was given the nickname “Ellie” (and presumably likes it, given that he’s credited in the MV as “Ellie”), and he looks really similar to Charles, which we also saw in the MV. Given how similar he looks to Charles, I’m going to assume that they’re biological brothers, which would make Ellie hispanic/latino. Similarly, I’m assuming that he identifies as male, due to his use of he/him pronouns and the term “brother” being applied to him. He likes pancakes and dogs, which… we’ll get back to later. Charles is stated to be 18+ at the start of Despair Time, which would make Ellie 29-32+ if he were alive today. Which… huh. Is he?

#2: Is Ellie alive?

The belief that Ellie is dead isn’t just a popular headcanon that metamorphosed into “fact”– his death is directly referenced in the text in the form of Charles’ secret. Your older brother, Elliot, died.

However, this MV does make it tempting to believe that Ellie could be alive, so let’s give it the benefit of the doubt for a moment. If Ellie is alive, there are two sets of two questions to consider.

Question #1: If Ellie is alive, why did people think he died?

Ellie was in a life threatening scenario that people believed he didn’t escape from, but he did. After this, he either took the opportunity to disappear, or something prevented him from reuniting with his loved ones.

Ellie did die, and the DRDT universe contains some sort of necromantic magic or time travel properties that could bring him back to life.

Question #2: If Ellie is alive, why does the secret say that he’s dead?

Whoever wrote the secrets (likely the mastermind) did so intending to tell the truth. They learned the information from a source that led them to believe that Ellie had died, and if Ellie turned up alive, they would be just as surprised as everyone else.

Whoever wrote the secrets (likely the mastermind) did so intending to lie. They knew that Ellie was really alive, and included his “death” in the secret just to fuck with Charles. This could also imply that other students’ secrets incorporate some level of lies.

If Ellie is alive, I think that the #1 situation is more likely for both questions.

If Ellie is dead, we don’t know exactly when his death happened. Given that Charles cites it under the umbrella of “childhood amnesia,” we can pin Ellie’s hypothetical death down to a time when Charles was a child. The National Institute of Health defines childhood as 3-11 years old. So, if Ellie died when Charles was 3-11, it would mean Ellie’s age of death would fall between 14 and 23.

I made this little moodboard to try to piece together around what age Ellie might be depicted as in the MV based on how DRDTdev has drawn people of various ages before. This is important under the assumption that Ellie canonically looked like this at some point during his life. ‘Cause (picking obviously wrong numbers here), if Ellie had died when he was, like, 2, it’d be weird if the MV showed him when he was, like, 50, right?

Allow me to take a little detour to discuss the Nageishi sisters and establish their ages. I initially ballparked Arei’s age as around 13 in that picture, which would have made her sisters (who are 2-5 years older than her) 15-18. However, there’s some actual evidence we can pull upon to clarify when that image might have come from.

In Arei and J’s FTE, J says that Arei “definitely [*was*] a highschool bully,” and Arei confirms that she was “the queen of her school.” Assuming that these two are to be believed, we can estimate based on the average age at which an American enters high school as a freshman that Arei has been a bully since at least around 14. While I don’t necessarily expect that Arei came in and became the queen bee on the first day of freshman year, it certainly would have been easier to establish her reign if the other students hadn’t previously seen her being bullied and tortured for a year or so beforehand. Therefore, Arei is probably in a maximum of eighth grade (12-13) in that image, so that she would have had enough time to sabotage her sisters before entering high school.

Additionally, although it isn’t stated in the secret the killing game handed out, Arei confesses to David and Teruko that she “got [her sisters] unlawfully sent to reform school.” Through a bit of googling, I learned that many reform schools cap out at about 16-17 years old, although it’s impossible to confirm that without knowing which state Arei grew up in. If that’s the case, then Fuyuko and Natsuko could only be a maximum of 17 years old, which is in the same sort of age range as Arei being a maximum of 15 in that picture. However, I don’t know if the Nageishi parents/the government would find it too useful to send the sisters to reform school for only one year, so it seems more likely that they’re younger than that in the picture. I might ballpark that Arei is 12 and Fuyuko and Natsuko are 15 in the picture.

Anyways, I think we can definitely rule out the possibility of Ellie dying when Charles was on the lower end of the age spectrum. He looks way older than any of the characters drawn “when they were kids”, and notably older than Arei as well. To me, he also looks older than Ryan, meaning he probably reached the age of an 18+ adult.

Unfortunately, there’s a really large age range that’s gone undepicted between the “18+” killing game participants and Mariabella, the only “parent-aged” adult we’ve seen so far. I would probably put Ellie’s appearance between the two, but it’s also possible that his unkempt hair and eyebags are making him look older than he actually was, a la Syobai Hashimoto of SDRA2 (the link is a spoiler-free picture of him). Syobai’s exact age is unknown, but generally young, yet many people think he’s an old man when they first see him. That phenomenon could be going on with Ellie as well.

If he is, we’ll say, 20 or older, though, there’s a limited number of ages he could have died at that would still fall within Charles’ childhood. If Ellie died, he did so when Charles was in the 8-11 kind of age range. Otherwise, for Ellie to reach the age he’s shown at in the MV, he probably survived to grow older than Charles’ family last remembers him. I think Ellie’s death is probably more likely, but, hey, that means we’ve narrowed down the period in which Charles could have acquired his childhood amnesia. That’s something!

#3: How does Charles feel about Ellie?

Well, okay. Obviously, in the current day, Charles doesn’t know who Ellie is, and therefore probably doesn’t have any strong feelings about him other than confusion. But, before Charles forgot about him, what was Charles’ opinion?

I actually thought that Charles really admiring Ellie was a canon fact, but looking back at it, I don’t think it was ever directly stated. That said, there are several reasons why I thought that their relationship was a positive one.

Told you we’d come back to Ellie liking pancakes! I’m sure it’s not a coincidence that, when Charles thinks of what he’d like to learn how to cook, he comes up with Ellie’s favorite food. It could be that Ellie used to make pancakes for Charles, or that they simply used to go out and get pancakes together, but Charles clearly has some sort of repressed memories about pancakes with his brother that makes him want to seek them out again.

We already knew that Charles and Ellie were known to look very alike, and this MV confirmed that was true, down to the length of their hair. If Charles didn’t like Ellie, he easily could have kept his hair short, like the haircut he had as a child, as a way to make them look less similar. However, Charles is very attached to keeping his hair in a long ponytail, just as Ellie wears it. That implies to me that Charles saw Ellie as enough of a role model to seek replicating the image of his brother through his own style even when he doesn’t remember that Ellie existed. That’s powerful.

#4: Why does Ellie look… like that?

Now this is a point that I’m still confused about. Charles’ affluent backstory has been alluded to multiple times. Both his inability to do his own laundry and his lack of knowledge in the kitchen imply that he had people to cook and clean for him. It’s possible that Charles’ parents were the ones doing that for him (which implies some level of wealth, but not so much as living in a house full of butlers and maids), but the general vibe I’ve gotten is that Charles’ family was well-off enough that they hired help.

If we assume that Charles and Ellie are biological brothers who spent enough time together to form a notable bond, it really seems like they would have grown up in the same household for both of their youths, together. So then, what gives with Ellie’s appearance? The patched up jacket, blemished face, and basic cigarette don’t match at all with the pristine white mansion with hedges that many might imagine for Charles. How would that have played out?

Option A: Ellie was the family’s rebellious wild child

I’m having trouble coming up with good examples, but there’s definitely a trope out there of a big brother character who’s a bit of a rude rebel, but still a pure-hearted dreamer that their younger sibling(s) can really look up to. Ellie was just the member of the uptight Cuevas family that couldn’t be tamed, no matter how hard his parents tried to cramp his thrifty style or stop him from going out and partying(?).

Notably, this option is quite confusing for Charles. Even if this figure is considered the typical epitome of cool, I don’t know if it’s someone who Charles would really gel with. As a child, Charles is depicted as pretty wide-eyed and innocent with his adorable little bubbles. I’m not saying that that kind of kid couldn’t come to idolize their rockstar big bro– just that, if they did, they probably wouldn’t turn out like Charles. Still, it could be an opposites attract situation, or perhaps forgetting Ellie and the ensuing trauma changed Charles more than we would have expected.

This interpretation is also… a bit of a leap, considering what we’ve seen of Ellie.

Like, these are not particularly the expressions of a thrill-seeking party animal who loves to crack open a cold one with the boys. Most of his expressions look wary, scary, or contemplative, and even the two that are smiling are doing so in more of a wry/teasing way. Fun-loving scamp Ellie might fit the way he’s styled his body, but not so much the expressions on his face. Perhaps the characterization was a little off?

Option B: Ellie was the family’s edgy black sheep

Instead of Ellie’s cigarette and messy ponytail implying that he’s supposed to be punk and cool, perhaps they’re meant to indicate that he was more emo and nihilistic. I don’t imagine that the Cuevas household would’ve liked this too much either, but it’s still a plausible way for a privileged teen to rebel against his family system. This kind of attitude matches more with the range of expressions we can gather from Yoidoreshirazu.

However, if it would be hard for Charles to relate to the last guy, I have no idea what Charles would be doing looking up to this guy. Maybe if their one-on-one moments showed Charles the soft heart behind Ellie’s tough exterior, Charles would’ve come to appreciate his perspective on life…? Yeah, I don’t really imagine these two enjoying a plate of pancakes together, either. Also, this would have been when Charles was, like, a kindergartener.

But if that’s the case, what then? Is my image of the Cuevas household just totally off? Or is this version of Ellie not compatible with the Cuevas household at all?

Option C: Ellie was kicked out of his family and left for dead

Especially in front of the grimy brick background and neon street sign, Ellie’s worse-for-wear appearance did make me think that this image of him could have been taken from a time when Ellie was without a home and living on the streets. As in, this look was never associated with the Cuevas household at all.

This option has some definite appeal because it allows a lot more flexibility from Ellie’s personality before he was kicked out. He could have been a stand-up guy, smart like Charles and a great mentor too, and only have adopted his more dour personality once he was kicked out of home. There are plenty of reasons why someone could be disowned that don’t (necessarily) reflect poorly on their character: Google lists being LGBTQ+, dating someone of a different race or religion, getting someone pregnant, or not following the profession your parents wanted for you as possibilities, depending on who the parents are and what they believe.

Any interpretation where the Cuevas parents are somewhat ashamed of Ellie would also help to rationalize why Mr. and Mrs. Cuevas lied to Charles about being an only sibling. If they really loved Ellie, they might have tried to bridge the subject with Charles one day, and not let the memory of their elder son fade into history. If he was someone they didn’t want to associate with in the first place, covering up his death would have been much more emotionally viable.

So, if the Cuevas parents are the kind of people to disown their kid for less-than-fair reasons, Ellie could have still been the kind of treasured big brother figure to Charles one might have expected while also getting kicked to the curb. However, this option raises the definite question of… how did Ellie’s death happen?

On the surface, that might seem like a strange question. Sadly, homeless people in the United States have an average life span that’s 17.5 years shorter than the average housed person’s life span, and the number of deaths have only been increasing in recent years. Especially in a civilization that was once home to the biggest, most awful, most tragic event in human history, trying to survive without a home might be quite difficult. 

All that doesn’t really apply to Ellie, though, because we have a pretty decent lead on how he died: dog attack.

Even if he might not remember why, Charles dislikes dogs, and has a remnant of that turbulent relationship etched into his very skin. Ellie actually likes dogs, an interesting point of contrast, but one that makes it clear that dogs are important to Charles’ backstory in some manner. I and others have then speculated that the attack in which Charles got that scar on his arm may have been the time at which Ellie died. Both events– the attack that created the scar and Ellie’s passing– were erased by his childhood amnesia.

The story would play out as something along the lines of “Ellie and Charles used to both really love dogs, and were approached by a dog one day. However, that dog was feral, and attacked Charles. He was bitten on the arm before Ellie told Charles to run as Ellie stayed behind to protect his brother. However, Ellie couldn’t fend off the dog himself, and was instead mauled to death. Charles escaped with an injured arm and a head full of trauma that would cause him to fully erase the memory of his brother from his mind.” Don’t know how feasible that exact scenario is, but I always imagined it as something like that.

So, if Ellie was living on the street at the time of his death, how would the two of them have come together for the dog to attack? Maybe Charles could have been visiting Ellie on his own, but, again, he would have been 8-11 years old at the time. Would the 8-11 year old Charles have really had the means or motive to set out alone to see his brother, and would the Cuevas family have really let their elementary school-aged son wander off into the streets alone?

Then there’s the issue of Ellie’s age again. Look. I’m not trying to say that every 23 year old should be able to 1v1 a feral dog in a fight. I’m 23, and if I had to fight a street dog to the death, I would probably lose! However, while I am a quiet nerd who likes to write thousand word essays about anime video game fanfiction characters in her free time, Ellie seems like a fairly athletic young man. If he looks like Charles, he’s also probably around Charles’ height of 5’9”. Plus, it probably didn’t have to be to the death. Couldn’t Ellie have used those long legs to run away, or his human hands to make an improvised weapon, or something? To me, it feels much more plausible for Ellie to have been killed in a dog attack if he were also a child/teen when it happened. But, that should be incompatible with his appearance in the MV. Unless–

Option D: Ellie became this way… after he was “dead”?

Wait, what? No, wait, I thought I had already determined that Ellie was dead! What do you mean it might ACTUALLY MAKE MORE SENSE IF HE WAS ALIVE??? WHAT HAS THIS MV COME TO?! AAAAAAAAAA–

Well. If this version of Ellie is what he “became” after he faked his death (or had it faked for him), certain elements start to line up. There is no conflict with the Cuevas family, because Ellie’s personality could have been completely different than what we see in Yoidoreshirazu. Similarly, we don’t have to solve why Charles would have built such a bond with this guy because this guy may not have existed when he was interacting with Charles. The brothers growing up in a household together would make it considerably easier for them both to encounter a mean dog at the same time. And, if Ellie didn’t have to reach this 20+ age before he disappeared from Charles’ life, the whole story could have been set much earlier, such that Ellie could have been fending the dog off when he was more of a kid or teen himself. Then, being separated from his family and presumed dead is what caused Ellie to lose his faith in life, take up his smoking habit, and hardly be able to sleep or smile.

This could still involve him being forced to live on the streets, although I would then wonder why he didn’t ever try to get back in contact with his family. Maybe he did and they turned him away? But, if he was an admirable son, I see no reason why they would do that. Perhaps he had expressed a bit more discontentment with the Cuevas family prior, and decided that, given this opportunity, it was for the best to sever his ties with them? That seems like a pretty extreme decision to keep up with given the state that Ellie seems to have wound up in, and would call into question how much Ellie cared about Charles if he was so willing to leave him behind.

It would kind of make more sense to me if, in this scenario, an outside force was stopping Ellie from reuniting with his family– for instance, if XF-Ture Tech offered Ellie a deal like they did to Min (somewhat forcing his hand), which included that he could never contact his family again. That could certainly make Ellie more important to the plot moving forward, and explain part of why he even got this MV. But, what would XF-Ture Tech want to do with some kid who was just near-fatally mauled by a dog attack? An near-fatal attack that… he doesn’t even seem to have scars on his face, neck, or right hand from???

Option E: this is how ellie looks in heaven or hell or whatever i don’t freakin know

Some of you may have been screaming at me the entire time that Ellie’s design may not be “canon,” so to speak, and you know what? That’s valid. It could simply be a projection of what Ellie could have looked like if he’d ever grown to this point in age, or his appearance may have been modified to better match Gumi’s disheveled vibe in the original Yoidoreshirazu MV, and not reflect his true personality. Ellie and Gumi do have really similar poses, cigarettes and all.

However, it would seem a little odd to me to give the audience what’s basically an AU design of Ellie before we got the original version. That would lead to insanely wrong conclusions like what I just wrote above if true, which could potentially cause people to interpret future content incorrectly. That’s not good. Besides, the song was still chosen for Ellie, and the song carries the same sort of gritty, nightlife vibe that the Gumi design does. Could the lyrics of the song really fit Ellie so well that the entire energy of the song and appearance of the MV could be waived?

#5: What’s up with these lyrics?

Sigh. I hate to move on to the next talking point when I haven’t yet resolved what we were last discussing, but, to be honest, I don’t know if I can resolve why Ellie looks and acts like that with the information we currently have. I’m kind of banking on the lyrics swaying me in the right direction when it comes to that interpretation, but given that I’m probably going to have to reverse engineer a lot of the lyrics’ meaning, I don’t have high hopes.

Well, we’ve already seen how I think these lyrics would apply to Rose, so how do I think they would fit Ellie? More questions ahead, but please note that I may be taking certain lyrics more specifically than they’re meant to be interpreted. I don’t have much else to go off of, so for the sake of gaining pretty much any knowledge I kinda have to assume the lyrics are total slam dunks.

#6: What can we learn about Ellie’s personality?

I woke up as an unaware drunkard  All of this bickering goes on til the dawn comes 

Ellie wakes up and immediately begins to complain. Unless he’s bickering with himself, he isn’t alone, although that doesn’t necessarily mean he has friends. In the original song, I imagine this lyric to be more about passersby or the general state of the world, so it could be the same case for Ellie.

In Ellie’s case, it’s unclear exactly what being a “drunkard” means. It could just be the literal interpretation, where Ellie is an alcoholic. I wouldn’t know. Being a drunkard could also extend to being an addict in general— we can be pretty certain that Ellie is a smoker (unless see Option E above). It could also be that the “drunkard” part of the phrase is less important and it’s more just about being unaware. Although, that would require further interpretation for later lines like “getting drunk again and again,” and Drunkard is also half of the song’s title (“An Unaware Drunkard”). Still, Elliot could be enveloped in the same sort of general haze I described back when I gave this song to Rose. Or, he could literally just be a guy that likes to drink a lot. Either way, it gives off the impression of someone who spends more time centered in his own world than butting into others’ businesses.

The singing voices are uncountable And once one gets lost in them, they end up at your xx Hey, look at how pretty it is, the day dream rondo  I hide a thousand and can only spit out ten

More introvert coding– he really doesn’t like being in large groups of people. Ellie keeps the same pretty neutral expression throughout all of these lines in the MV, which makes it kind of hard to discern exactly what these statements mean for him. Like, is “look how pretty it is” supposed to show how he’s easily distracted by dreams and frivolous things, or how he’s using positive things to distract those around him from how he “hides a thousand and can only spit out ten”? In either case, that latter line seems to imply that Ellie is dissatisfied with whatever he’s doing in life (or death?) right now– “can only spit out” makes me think that he feels he should be doing more.

Giving in, I’m living Getting drunk again and again, unexpectedly- Ah, it's not half bad

Ah, the infamous screenshot from the presumed dead man. This smirky face gives some definite context for the attitude of these lines. Ellie seems smug or proud that he’s living… because he’s beating the death allegations? Well, it could also be that he just enjoys living a life of sin (smoking and drinking), and/or enjoys defying the expectations of the Cuevas family in this way. There’s also a certain irony to saying “I’m living” while flaunting a cigarette in his hand. Ellie may also be someone who enjoys tempting fate and defying the odds.

Ellie’s facial expressions with these lines make me believe that he actually thinks that getting drunk again and again is pretty cool, and it’s not just a deflection from a tumultuous mind. Which, again, begs the question of whether the “drinking” is literal, or a metaphor for something else. With not much other information to go off of, I’m kind of assuming it’s both at the moment. Ellie (in this state) probably is someone who drinks and enjoys doing it, but also someone who doesn’t feel any guilt over ignoring– or forgetting– his problems.

#7: Did Ellie also forget about Charles?

There are a strange number of lines in this song that could imply that Ellie isn’t just being ignorant, he’s actually forgetting about something big. That something could be the memory of his younger brother, just like how Charles forgot the memory of his elder. Runs in the family, I guess?

I woke up as an unaware drunkard

Starting at the very first line, you could begin to view the lyrics through the lens of someone who lacked information about their past: “Elliot woke up somewhere random mostly forgetting who he was in a hazy state of being.” To be clear, I’m not saying that that’s the interpretation of the line, just an interpretation of the line. It’s an interpretation that builds further connections with later lyrics, though.

And then   The sacred mountain is covered in mud, it’s smeared and chipping away, ah yes, it's not half bad 

That's my muddy, obstructed, and broken vision of the future- It’s not half bad 

These lines focus on something being damaged or broken. Ignoring the original song’s references to Mount Penglai, which are completely absent from this MV, I would interpret a character’s “sacred mountain” as their central motivation. The pursuit of this goal would be very important, or “sacred” to them, and just as majestic as it is difficult to traverse and achieve. That pairs well with Ellie losing his view of the future, as both indicate that he’s completely forgotten what his purpose in life is.

And yet, he insists that it’s not half bad. Why? The most likely reason is that, for whatever reasons made him look like this, Ellie has just adopted the same sort of fatalistic behavior as Gumi did in her MV. However, you also might not think that forgetting something was bad if you ever forgot that you forgot it. For the majority of his life, Charles hasn’t thought that forgetting Ellie was a terrible ordeal because he had no clue that Ellie even existed. For Ellie, it could be frightening to know that you’ve forgotten a lot of who you are, but also freeing. That dichotomy could be what resulted in his current pensive yet playful behavior.

Getting drunk again and again, unexpectedly- Ah, it's not half bad I'm a drunkard unaware of my rival in love, so 

I'm a drunkard unaware of the story

These lines are ones that really made me think that Ellie could have forgotten Charles in particular. I’m really not sure what “rival in love” was supposed to mean in the original song, but for Ellie, that rival being his brother makes sense. He doesn’t have a lover, as far as we’re aware, but he may have had to fight against Charles for his parents’ affections in the past. Many siblings have a competitive relationship with one another, so Charles could also be described as a rival who Ellie loves. Charles is an easy stand-in for “the story” as well, as long as we assume that the main plot of the killing game is considered “the story.” Charles is a major player in the killing game who’s already been going on a major story arc of his own, and, being Ellie’s little brother, it would make sense if Ellie’s priorities in the story were Charles-focused were he aware of the killing game.

What would it mean if Ellie had forgotten Charles, though? It seems most likely to me that, if both brothers came to forget one another, the trauma would have stemmed from the same event. But, if Charles forgot about Ellie because of that dog attack, Ellie could have only had time to forget who Charles was if he survived for long enough after the attack to have that revelation. Also, don’t know how important this is, but if the attack gave Charles childhood amnesia, would it have had the same effect on a 20+ year old man? I don’t know enough about amnesia to know if the same circumstances that would cause a child to discard their memories would also result in an adult forgetting about aspects of their life. Then again, Ellie almost certainly suffered greater damage than Charles, so any aftereffects may have been more severe.

I obviously can’t declare with 100% certainty that Ellie forgot who Charles was, nor can I even get particularly close. Still, these strange threads seemed to be too prominent to ignore, and this was the best solution I could find to them with the information we know now.

#8: Who is “you”?

Twice in Yoidoreshirazu’s lyrics does the singer reference a character as “you.”

Neglecting my happiness, I never want to sober up until it's time to listen to your voice I’m giving into you, but you don’t even have anything to say and my body is dyed

Please don't let this fleeting happiness go away, until I can lend an ear by your side I’m giving into you, but you don’t even have anything to say and my heart is dyed

This person is quite important to the singer, as the singer craves their voice and succumbs to their person, their body and soul colored by the experience. And yet, there’s a sense of isolation, as “you” refuses to say anything back to the singer. It’s a classic tale of immense devotion met with quiet rejection for Ellie to partake in with… someone. I don’t know who.

For what it’s worth, I do think the lyrics imply that this is another human person as opposed to, say alcohol. While alcohol can certainly have a profound impact on a person, causing their happiness to come and go and changing aspects of their physicality, “you” is referred to with enough human traits that it doesn’t match up. Maybe anthropomorphized alcohol could have a voice, but when has it ever needed you to listen to it? To my knowledge, lending an ear to the bottle itself is pretty unheard of.

So, is “you” Charles? That makes some sense, as Charles is the only relevant character to Ellie’s story that we know much about. Based on what we’ve already established about Ellie and Charles’ probable bond, Ellie could definitely fit the devoted older brother character in one flavor or another. But then, why would Charles have rejected him? Could be the whole childhood amnesia thing, but then Ellie would have had to exist during a period of time when Charles had already developed the amnesia and also remember who Charles was enough himself to care. Charles could have also just not liked him much, but that contradicts with the evidence presented back at Question 3.

Honestly, I don’t think Charles is “you,” despite my lack of other options. Perhaps “we” can figure this out?

worn out, we all look horrible until all thousand voices become hoarse 

Yeah, there’s also a “we” in Yoidoreshirazu, which furthers the idea that, wherever he is/was, Ellie isn’t alone. The lyrics make it unclear whether the “we” is the singer + you (and maybe others), or just the singer + others– I’d probably lean that it probably wasn’t meant to include “you” in the original, but who knows how DRDTdev chose to interpret the song. Still, as alcohol isn’t normally described as “looking horrible,” this further implies that there are other human characters referenced in Ellie’s MV. In the case of “we,” Ellie also has to associate with these people enough to include himself as part of them. He’s in a group. Why? How? When?

#9: What differences are there between this MV and the original?

This one goes out to all the people who thought to go back and check the original Literature Girl Insane MV for differences while we were dealing with that whole project! It inspired me to try the same thing here, and see what happened.

Yoidoreshirazu is a much easier task than LGI, though, because it’s a simpler song and MV on all fronts. Both MVs only portray one character, one location, and one color for the lyrics to be transcribed in. (There’s also only, like, a max of twelve words on screen at a time, unlike David’s mental library.) For the most part, the two Yoidoreshirazus are very similar. None of the lyrics were edited from Magenetra’s translation on the vocaloid lyrics wiki, the lights turn on and off at the same times, and the DRDT version doesn’t appear to include any additional puzzles or easter eggs. Still, they aren’t exactly the same, so I’ll write out the differences I found playing them side by side for both my own and others’ purposes.

Gumi is on screen at the start, then quickly disappears and comes back, while it takes Ellie until the lyrics start to appear.

Not much extra to explain on this point. It may indicate that Ellie was missing or absent for a longer period of time, or at least that he’s more mysterious/quiet than Yoidoreshirazu’s Gumi.

Gumi has her tongue out a lot more at the beginning of the song.

Before Ellie takes off his hood (so, basically for the first half of the song), he only sticks his tongue out for one part of the song, from 0:52 (“getting drunk again and again”) to 0:59 (“my rival in love”). Meanwhile, Gumi has her tongue out from the moment the lyrics start (0:09, “I woke up as an unaware drunkard”) to the end of the first stanza (0:25, “all thousand voices become hoarse”), and then does it again from 0:43 to 0:59, the entirety of the first chorus (“the sacred mountain” to “rival in love”). This gives Gumi the appearance of being more rebellious, while Ellie is more moody.

Gumi smiles a lot more than Ellie.

When Gumi returns from the first chorus (1:00), she’s already smiling. While she shifts from a satisfied smirk to a smug grin to an enraptured beam to a content smile, she doesn’t actually stop smiling from the minute mark on until the vocals stop (2:10). Meanwhile, Ellie doesn’t smile at all until 1:50, and drops the playful tongue-out expression after a mere six seconds. The only lines that Ellie smiles for are “I’m living / Getting drunk again and again– Ah, it’s not half bad,” which is quite interesting. The overall result is the same as the bullet point above; that Gumi is at least better at pretending to be happy while Ellie is lost in his sorrows.

Ellie and Gumi’s expressions are pretty different in general.

Here are all of Ellie’s expressions versus all of Gumi’s expressions. In the end, Gumi actually had more expressions, which I wasn’t expecting. Some of their faces are mirrors to each other, while others are different.

Both Ellie and Gumi have a serious eyes closed face, a bored/neutral face, a bored tongue-out face, a scary face with big eyes, and a sleazy grin. The only unique faces Ellie has on top of those are the more playful tongue-out smile (present only when his hood is off) and the contemplative downward gaze. Gumi has a knowing smile, a hopeful smile, and a content smile. With those differences, we conclude that, on the whole, Gumi seems to have a bit more hope in the world, while Ellie is downcast. I’m sure you couldn’t have guessed that by the results of the last two points (/s).

Ellie has a costume change.

Not hard to notice; Ellie takes his hood off mid-MV while Gumi keeps her outfit the same.

There’s a part of the song where Ellie disappears while Gumi is present.

If anything in this question is going to be important, it’s probably this tidbit. At 1:39 in DRDT Yoidoreshirazu and 1:37 in original Yoidoreshirazu, the line “and my heart is dyed” plays. At this point in the MV, Gumi is present on screen, but Ellie is not. Gumi then disappears alongside Ellie for the following “sore wa” before both reappear for the chorus, but the difference is still notable. Something about the line “and my heart is dyed” caused DRDTdev to remove Ellie from the MV when he otherwise should have been there. This could mean that Ellie’s absence is what caused his heart to be dyed, that Ellie was actually absent when the heart dying occurred, or something else. Regardless, the difference in visuals– especially one that leaves the lyrics as the only thing on screen for you to look at– means that “and my heart is dyed” is likely the most important lyric of the song for Ellie.

Ellie is doing a whole lot more in the final chorus.

This is probably why I thought that Ellie had more sprites than Gumi did, other than the whole two outfits thing. Throughout the entire second chorus, Gumi only uses one face, the smile with big eyes. Meanwhile, Ellie rotates through four different faces before returning to the one he started with; scary stare -> neutral -> eyes closed -> grin -> tongue-out smile -> scary stare. It gives Ellie a whole lot more character than Gumi had in that final portion. Granted, the inverse is also true: Ellie switched faces less frequently than Gumi at the beginning of the song. It leads me to believe that the lyrics at the end of the song may be more important to Ellie than the lyrics of the start, as the end is featured as the most memorable portion.

#10: So, um… What did we learn, exactly?

Honestly… I don’t know. Unlike the Chapter 2 murder, which is intended to be basically solvable, or even the characters’ secrets, which have had much revealed with minimal possible permutations, so little has been confirmed about Ellie that it makes it near impossible to settle on one answer as absolute truth. I can write out my current best theory about what may be going on with Ellie, but it’s honestly so implausible that I don’t really think it’s going to be canon myself.

If we prioritize the information given to us in this music video and the Q&As and disregard the effects that our conclusion might have on the story of DRDT as a whole, then I think the most likely option was actually Option D, Ellie became this way after he died. I think that Ellie was a bright young man– maybe not perfect, but still an older brother that Charles could look up to. Ellie and Charles were really close when Charles was a little kid, and they loved to hang out and eat pancakes together.

One day– maybe when Charles was about 4 and Ellie was about 16?– Ellie saw a dog on the side of the road and, loving dogs, brought his baby brother over to say hi to it. Unfortunately, the dog was feral and mean, and it bit Charles on the arm, injuring him greatly. Defending Charles, Ellie attacked the dog and told Charles to run away for safety. Charles made it back to his parents, bleeding and horribly traumatized, while Ellie did not. Ellie never came back home, so his parents had no choice but to assume he was dead. They chose to conceal the existence of their elder son from their younger, whether to avoid triggering Charles’ phobias or because they too wished him erased from the history books.

However, even though the world believed that Ellie had died, he actually survived!  Though, not in one piece. He was probably severely wounded (perhaps leaving behind scars on any part of his body that wasn’t shown in the MV), and, just like his brother, suffered amnesia that caused him to forget who he was. From there, it depends on how he would have survived the dog attack.

If he barely emerged victorious from the battle due to his own power, then, with no memories, he was forced to live on the street. He gained his washed-up attitude from experiencing life’s hardships while being right on the cusp of remembering something more.

If he received aid from and then was indebted to a group like XF-Ture Tech, he may have been given some kind of help, but not without a cost. He probably started working for them in some capacity, even if he wasn’t a fan of his work/coworkers, and gained his washed-up attitude from years of nihilistically supporting the shady company.

The MV takes place in a time close to present day, when Ellie is reflecting on the state of his life and what he does remember. He hates the people he’s surrounded by, and can only lean on his bad habits (substance abuse and/or appearing more uncaring/airheaded than he actually is) to get by. He knows that he’s a shell of a person with no memories of his past or aspirations for his future, but there isn’t really anything he can do about it, right…? The vague memories of a “rival in love” and a main “story” are the only things giving him a taunting yet unerasable hope.

Woohoo, drama. But, like, that’s ridiculous, right? The secret literally said that Ellie was dead! How the hell could he still be alive? Did the mastermind’s source– whatever it was– just have the facts wrong, or are they actually lying? Wouldn’t the Cuevas family have looked harder for the body? Does amnesia even work like that? Does XF-Ture Tech even work like that???

Needless to say, I am still quite confused. The answer above is still the answer that makes the most sense to me, but it also has its own obvious flaws. I feel like I must just be straight up wrong about the identity of the Cuevas family, the method of Ellie’s death, the age at which Ellie appears in this MV, or something like that, but I don’t know what it would be. Even more than usual, I’d love to hear everyone else’s thoughts on this mysterious character. I feel like more analysis of the guy is going to come out soon, so hopefully some of the more numerical data like trying to pin down Ellie’s age or noticing the differences in the two MVs will help someone else make a breakthrough. Still, I encourage you to come forth with anything you have to say, because I want to hear it.

Thus concludes your instructional pamphlet on how to write an essay on a music video at a rate of 54 words per second of the music video. Thanks for reading!

[invisibleraven]

Angst (cause these are SO good)

I- I don't believe you! There- there's no way they're gone..." || "Denial isn't going to bring them back, (Name)" - PeterPatterLina

“You got everything boss?”

Julie looked over her room-all the empty spaces, the overflowing boxes and suitcases by the door. Plus all the things she was leaving behind, second guessing her decisions for what felt like the millionth time.

“I think so, but if there’s anything I forgot you guys can always bring it to me,” she replied.

Reggie sent Luke a cheeky grin then. “I think she just implied we’re mailmen or something.”

“You could never do that job-dogs would hate you,” Luke joked.

“Plus the whole ghost thing,” Julie added, earning a rare scowl from her usually sunshiney boyfriend.

“You nervous?” Luke asked, fiddling with the zipper of the bag on her bed.

“Of course!” Julie replied. “But I’m excited too, college is going to be a brand new adventure.”

“And you’re sure you want us to come with you?” Reggie asked, eyes downcast as he played with the ends of his flannel.

“Positive,” she stated firmly. “I love you both, and I know you can’t go to college yourselves, so this will be the next best thing.”

Luke grinned, pulling Reggie into a hug. “Come on babe, like Jules would ever leave us.”

“She might if you don’t get your shoes off her bed,” Julie replied. Luke poofed to the couch, never losing his grin.

Later, after triple checking everything, Julie slipped into her bed for what felt like the last time, even though she knew she’d be back for Christmas. Luke and Reggie on either side of her, soft sleepy smiles all around.

Her dad had already said goodnight, and told the boys they were welcome to stay-he trusted them to be smart and safe. He supported their odd little relationship even if he didn’t always get it, and Julie loved that about him.

Though as much as she wanted to stay up all night, she eventually drifted off, her boys joining her soon after.

Only when Julie got up, she woke up alone.

The guys weren’t around anywhere she looked-the house, the yard, the studio. Where were they? She needed to go soon and she wanted to say goodbye to Alex before she did-he was staying here with Willie with promises of frequent visits.

“Willie!”

The skater ghost usually came if she called-she could see him, though not touch like she could her bandmates. As long as he wasn’t keeping the guests of the HGC happy, he usually appeared in moments. Today was no exception.

“Hey Ju Ju, sup? Thought you were headed off to college today?” He asked.

“I am but I can’t find the guys to say goodbye,” she explained.

Willie hummed, searching for the familiar feel of Alex, Luke, and Reggie that he could usually follow. Frowning when he came up empty. The last time he had felt that, the guys had been trapped at the club. But there's no way they could have gone there right?

He looked at Julie's worried face and his expression turned serious. "I think... I think we need to talk to Caleb."

Julie froze internally-Caleb had been a constant thorn in their side for ages now. She thought after she got rid of his mark he'd leave them alone, but that hadn't been the case. Scheme and plot after scheme and plot had him trying to take her ghosts away. Why had she assumed a long stretch of silence from him meant he was giving up?

Resolute, she summoned all her magic, all her love and grabbed a hold of Willie's skateboard-the only part of him she could touch, and even that took some strain. "Take me to him. And don't ask me if I'm sure."

Willie nodded, and concentrated on the club. He didn't like poofing Julie places; it wore him out, and made him vulnerable, but he also knew she was determined, so not to mess with her. The club shimmered into view, and once they were solid on it's grand staircase, Willie let himself collapse, giving Julie a weak smile. "I'll be alright. Go find out where our boys are."

Julie nodded, determined, and marched towards the large, imposing, sparkly figure on the floor. He spotted her immediately, giving her that shark's grin of his. "Why Miss Molina, always a pleasure."

"Can it Covington, where are my boys?" she demanded, hands on hips, face serious.

"I assure you I have no idea," Caleb replied. "You know I would love to gloat if I had them."

"You also love to lie," she snapped back. "So where are they?"

Caleb's smile faded then, eyes icy and hard. "I am a lot of things Miss Molina, a liar amongst them. But right now, I am telling you the truth-I don't have your friends. Nor do I know who does."

Julie deflated a little-she could tell he was telling her the truth-his stony contenance spoke to that. "Then where are they?"

Caleb hummed, looking her up and down. "Have you considered they might be... gone?"

"Gone?"

"Crossed over my dear, to whatever afterlife was supposed to await them," Caleb replied. "You knew it could-nay would happen some day correct?"

Julie froze at that-surely if they were going to cross over, they would have told her right? To say goodbye? "I- I don't believe you! There- there's no way they're gone..."

Caleb looked smug then, and somehow, completely unimpressed as well. "Denial isn't going to bring them back, Miss Molina. I suggest you adjust to your new reality-one without ghosts."

Julie collapsed on the floor, unable to keep herself up. So that was it? They were just gone? No goodbye?

No chance to get one last brotherly hug from Alex as he made a sarcastic quip?

No last lingering kiss from Luke and Reggie as they tried and failed not to cry to leave her with a watery smile?

No getting to tell them how much she loved them?

But that was usually the way of things-she had said goodbye to her mother, but still felt there had been so much to say when she passed. The first time, when those jolts had nearly done them in, she was sure that she wouldn't get to really wish the guys well. That had been half the reason she had went out to the garage, and ended up saving them.

She didn't think she would be able to save them this time.

The club melted away as she sobbed, finding herself back in her bedroom-a move of pity or annoyance from dealing with her from Caleb, she wasn't sure. She just knew that as her tears soaked her pillowcase, that her life was now all the emptier.

"Mija?" her dad asked from the doorway, "I know it' sad to go Julie, but you'll be back for Christmas, come on, we've got to get on the road."

Julie sniffled, nodding, letting herself move on pure automatic instinct-life didn't stop just because you were grieving. She gathered what things were left in her room, looking around one last time in vain, as if that would make the guys pop out in some sort of cruel prank.

But they never did.

"You got everything?" Ray asked as he shoved the last of the bags into the car. "Said all your goodbyes?"

Julie nodded numbly. "Let's go."

And didn't let him know that her shattered heart would never heal over the goodbyes she didn't get to say, and that the most important things she had planned to bring with her-would never get the chance to go.

A loss she would never recover from, and a regret that would haunt her for the rest of her life.

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

Alternate universe

I took this day to do a little mini-sequel to one of my multiverse travelling fics. This time it's the next gens on adventures. And a new magical girl.

Read on ao3 or under the cut

Isadora and Diana were in the park, eating ice cream.

“Isadora, do you sometimes wonder who you’re gonna marry when you grow up?” Diana asked.

“I… don’t know. Sometimes.”

“Me, too. If I even marry someone.”

“I wish there was a way for us to know. Imagine how cool it would be to see into the future.”

“Yeah, but also… do you wanna be spoiled?” Diana asked. “Then it’s not gonna be a surprise anymore.”

“That’s true!”

They ate up their ice cream and wiped their hands and mouths off with napkins. As they were throwing the napkins in the trash can, something rather unexpected happened.

There was a candy wrapper of some sort that fell onto the ground. 

“Fausta…” Isadora read. 

“What?” Diana asked.

“It says ‘Fausta’ on that candy wrapper. I don’t know why, but that name sounds familiar…”

Right then, the candy wrapper started flying, rather violently around. In a flash, it was gone, and instead was a girl with blonde, almost white hair with pink and blue streaks in it. 

“What the fuck?” Diana let out. She looked around to see if anyone else saw the same thing she saw. Isadora nodded in confirmation. However, looking around to see if any stranger noticed, they realized they were practically alone in the park. Weird…

“Hello! My, how you two have grown!” The girl had this odd accent, like she was talking Spanish the way an American cowboy would.

“Do we know you?” Isadora asked.

“Well… I don’t really exist as a person in this universe, but I have a connection to your parents!”

“Okay?”

She hugged them, and as she did, the girls realized she was floating in the air and brought them up with her in the hug. “I haven’t seen you since you were babies! I remember looking through the window as your mothers were on maternity leave with you.”

“But you look like you’re our age…” Diana said. “You must have a really good skincare routine.”

“Or you were a child when we were babies, and you’re not that much older,” Isadora suggested.

“Both are wrong!” the girl admitted. “My name is Fausta, and when your mothers were teenagers, they created some alter egos. I was Francesca’s alter ego.”

“Oh my god, you do kinda look like my mom!” Diana said.

“Yes. Well, you see, when an alter ego is created, they enter a universe only inhabited by alter egos, imaginary friends and made up people. We don’t age and we pop into existence being the age we were as we were created. So, your mom was around 18-19 when she created me. Therefore, I am forever around that age!”

“What are you doing here?” Isadora asked.

“I was summoned!”

“How?”

“Most of the time it requires a spell or a potion. But I can also be summoned by chance! And I just so happened to hang around in this universe today, disguising myself as a candy wrapper. And you said my name twice, and that’s the lucky charm!”

“I don’t really understand any of what you’re saying,” Diana admitted, “But sure.”

“What are you gonna do?” Isadora asked. 

“Well, what we do to the people who summoned us, we take them on a trip across the multiverse!”

“You can travel through different universes?”

“Duh! That’s basically all we do. The universe I live in is essentially just a void we float around in, so we enjoy ourselves watching how people live in different universes.”

“Okay… how many universes are there?”

Fausta laughed and grabbed their hands, as she dragged them away. 

They ended up floating in some sort of white sparkly space.

“This is the travel space in-between all the universes. I thought we could look around a bit in a few of them,” Fausta explained.

“When you say universes, do you mean that it’s us, but we live differently?”

“Yes, kind of. And there’s universes in which you were never born, because your parents married other people.”

“Ooh, can we see that?”

Fausta made an unsure expression. “Are you sure you want to see that?”

“Yes!”

“It could be interesting,” Isadora said.

“Well, alright… but if it’s too weird to see your parents with someone else then remember it’s not like that in your universe.”

They ended up in front of a house they hadn’t seen before. 

“Who lives here?” Isadora asked.

“Your mom,” Fausta explained. “But not your dad, because they never married in this universe.”

“Who did she marry, then?”

Right then, Violetta came out, preparing to pack things into the car. Behind her came three children, the oldest seeming to be Isadora and Diana’s age. She resembled Violetta.

“Is that… her daughter in this universe?” Isadora asked. 

“Yes… one of her three kids.”

“Three kids?” Diana asked, “Who did she have kids with?”

Right then, Francesca came out.

“What’s mom doing here?”

Francesca helped Violetta put things into the car. Then she gave Violetta a smile and kissed her on the lips.

Isadora and Diana stared dumbfounded.

“What…” Isadora whispered.

“Our moms…” Diana said, pointing at them.

“Yep!” Fausta shrugged. “In this universe, they married each other instead of your dads! Now they have three kids together!”

“Woah…” Isadora said.

“Hey, that’s our friend Lola!” Diana commented, pointing at a teenage girl walking up to the house. “Does she still exist here?”

“Of course she still exists! She’s not related to you, is she?” Fausta asked.

“Ok, so it’s… only us two that do not exist, basically.”

“Pretty much.”

“But what is Lola doing here?” Isadora asked.

“She’s saying goodbye to her girlfriend, who’s going on vacation!”

The oldest daughter of Violetta and Francesca went over to Lola, and gave her a big hug. 

“Ooh… so Lola’s dating her…” Diana said.

“That’s sweet… wait, but this girl doesn’t exist in our universe!” Isadora said. “Who will Lola end up with in our universe, then?”

Fausta shrugged. “You just have to wait and see!”

“Can you see into the future?” Diana asked.

“No… but there is a universe that is identical to yours, but it takes place 10 years into the future! We might get a glimpse of who you might end up with! If you have found the love of your lifes at age 26, that is!”

They popped away, and ended up in what appeared to be a dressing room. There were two people in there, and even when they were older, Isadora and Diana immediately recognized them. It was Kim and Stella.

Stella was helping Kim with a bowtie they wore. She was dressed in a very formal dress.

“It’s almost like it’s someone’s wedding…” Isadora said. “But who’s?”

Stella giggled in a rather flirty way. “Kim, let me help you!”

“I promise I know how to put on a bowtie!” Kim replied.

“Sure you do…”

Kim smirked. As Stella was focused fixing their bowtie, they leaned in to kiss her quickly.

“Oooh my god!” Diana exclaimed. “I knew it!”

“Yeah, I knew Stella had a big crush on them, but I didn’t know it was mutual!” Isadora said.

“Now I wanna see us,” Diana said.

Fausta turned to the left. “Well, here is one of you coming right now.”

Out from the door came Isadora. She was hearing the most beautiful dress they had ever seen. It was a wedding dress.

“I’m getting married?” Isadora asked.

“You look so pretty,” Diana said. “I’m jealous of whoever you’re marrying.”

“Are you ready?” Stella asked Isadora from this universe.

“As ready as I can be,” Isadora from this universe replied.

“I just wanna say it again,” Kim said, “But we really knew for so long something went on between you two. I can’t believe you’re finally gonna get married!”

“Yeah… I can’t believe it either.”

“Let’s hurry before we’re late to the ceremony!” Stella said.

“We need to see who it is!” Diana said, but Fausta stopped her.

“No… we don’t wanna spoil it, do we?”

“But I’m curious!” 

“Do you know who it is?” Isadora asked Fausta.

Fausta gave her a knowing look. “Well, I think it’s someone you know very well.”

She gestured with her head to her other side, and Isadora lit up. 

She knew exactly who it was. And suddenly her life felt even more complete. 

“What?” Diana asked.

“Oh, our time is up!” Fausta said, and suddenly popped them away.

They came back into the park. 

“Isa, tell me, who are you marrying?” Diana asked.

“It’s a surprise,” Isadora said.

“Yep… and it’s gonna be a surprise for you, too!” Fausta said.

“Wait, what?”

“Oh, didn’t I tell you? You’re gonna forget about all of the multiverse traveling.”

The girls got disappointed.

“It’s better that way,” Fausta explained, “Otherwise it could lead to horrible side effects. You will get a feeling of just having experienced something, but not knowing what.”

“Ok…”

“Well! Adios!” With that, Fausta disappeared.

The girls stared at her in silence for a moment.

Then Diana looked back on the candy wrapper.

“I think Fausta is some kind of candy. No idea what kind, but I’ve seen the name before.”

“Yeah…” Isadora said. “Hey, Diana… I feel like I forgot something I was supposed to remember.”

“Same! Huh… strange. What were we talking about?”

“Who we’re gonna marry.”

“Right! Hm… what did we say?”

“I don’t remember,” Isadora chuckled. And she genuinely didn’t. But she felt hopeful that the one she was gonna marry was someone standing in front of her…

She actually felt more hopeful than before. 

[fluffyydumplings]

Empty Canvases

Gone - Part 8

Summary: Tae’s dreams were nothing but a tunnel with no ending - dark, bleak and empty.. Yoongi made him smile, you opened his eyes to light.. the world and everyone in it made him cry.. Through this abandoned tunnel that now has a torch shining its way and an ending to reach - he runs to it - with joy.. To the sparkly eyed fool who follows him around everywhere and anywhere..

Word Count: 5.3k

Genre: painter!taehyung x reader x yoongi (one-sided love) / third-wheeling / painter!taehyung x painter!oc (male) / moving on!au / heartbreak!au / best friends!au

Warning: judgemental parents / unrealistic expectations / generational trauma / unsupportive parents / toxic relationships / fear

A/N: @hobateas This series has come so far and so much time has passed.. In fact, a whole year has passed since I posted the first chapter.. It’s funny how time passes by so quickly - it goes by every time I blink or think..

There’s a surprise that drops after this chapter though.. So, look forward to that! Summer Break starts soon for me, so yeah… I can finally focus on the things I have intended to finish ever since that of last year.. Birthday projects and lingering requests.. Fics, series.. Ahhhhh!! I’m so excited!!!! (Oh- how things have changed since I’ve written this note)

I find myself unable to finish the very last chapter of this beautiful story.. I have found myself half way through only, and that is where I have decided as of today to end this wonderful piece of mine.. Albeit, incomplete - I will leave the rest to your imagination

Series Masterlist

Moodboard

Previous chapter

Aged Nine ↴

‘Taehyungiee.. Do you know what this is, sweetheart?’

‘Paint..’ in a tiny voice, confusion sprinkling the edges of his fingers he answers to his aunt’s query.

‘Mhmm.. It is.. Isn’t it simply, wonderful though?’

‘I don’t know, aunty.. It’s just paint.’

‘Is that what your mummy said?’

‘Yeah,’ he nods hesitantly.

‘Always the no-funner.. Isn’t it, your mummy?’

‘Yeah,’ he agrees whole-heartedly..

‘Do you see that whale over there, Tae?’ she points at a canvas littered with blue and purple strokes.

To little Taehyung, it was the most beautiful picture he has ever seen.. (He hasn’t seen much besides the white walls of his bedroom and the soulless designs that coats his entire home in his mother’s so-called “chic” - his bad, “sheik.”)

And that’s how he fell in love.. Fast, fully, quick and painfully.. The same way he fell and falls in love with anything and everything..

‘Do you like it?’

Did he like it? She had no need to throw such unthinkable questions his way.. He didn't just like it, he loved it.. He was amazed, enthralled, enchanted, captivated.. Whatever magical feeling a nine-year-old could sheath into words.

‘Woahh, it’s.. Woahh,’ he beamed as paint splattered onto a piece of paper.

To him, it was more than a piece of paper.. It was the truest form of his childish thoughts finally let free and given the freedom to explore beyond its iron cage. It gave him joy, and he gladly tugged onto it.

He felt like a young harry potter who just got a hold on his very own wand for the first time.. He felt like a sparkle-eyed Matilda who no longer had to sneak around just to get his hands on a single book..

He felt free

________________________________________

Aged Seventeen ↴

Paint.. Strokes of white, blue and violet that clings onto the empty surface of his heart.. Like that of the canvas a road away from him - devoid of colour. It bubbles, coagulates.. and evaporates into puddles of putrid green..

His eyes are but two blobs of dust that coats the edges of your window, his head is nothing but a swirl of cream that drips off of the sides of your cup.. He is nothing but an empty canvas. And even with the piece of stolen chalk in his hands and this wretched piece of torn paper placed atop of the table in front of him, he can’t seem to associate with anything but empty canvases.. Because he’s so devoid of colour, he forgot how to draw inside of lines..

‘Kim Taehyung!’

However, there was one man (and only one) that brought rainbows and collisions of mess-stricken fireworks to his dull life.

‘Taehyung-ah!’

At the sound of that ever so hauntingly beautiful voice and that loving smile that was so easy to absorb - almost like that of an iv being injected into the blue of his veins. He smiles - a tragic tale in the making.. sunflowers slowly wilting into strokes of mustard yellow and dirt brown.

‘Hyung!! You have finally decided to glance my way,’ the most he’s ever been near the latter, and the most he has ever spoken to him..

It would be a lie if Taehyung said his cheeks were an unusual shade of cotton candy pink due to the continuous waves of heat that have been coming and going the past few weeks. It would be a lie if Taehyung said the man before him wasn’t the reason to why he was two seconds from hiccuping like a fool who forgot to fill up his bottle of water for the morning run.

‘We can be friends.’

That’s it.. Taehyung must be dreaming! After months of pinning over the sculptor, he’s finally got a chance at seeing those skilled fingers up close and to get a glimpse into that brilliant mind of his.

Isn’t that exciting? Tae’s heard plenty if not a bucket of glaze worth of praise for the soft bundle of wool of a human!

From what he knows, Yoongi sculpted the town’s fountain out of his bare hands.. And that fountain is stunning! He means it!

Perfectly rounded in shape, dips and curves perfectly to form mind-bending patterns, the flowers that bundle at the center! Oh, and the pretty lights (Tae doubts Yoongi did that, but it‘s still a dazzling piece of art if he doesn’t mind saying so himself)

Tae likes blubbering nonsense.. But, can you stop him? When he’s full of so much love.

‘Reallly?’

‘Yes.’

Sugar, spice and everything nice.. Running across a field of rainbow lollipops and popping star candy!!! He truly must be dreaming!

‘Taehyung, let me be honest with you. I came here because of Y/N.’

‘Oh..’ he wears his heart on his sleeve, and right now - there is no sleeve.. There is no heart- there is no-

‘She likes you. Will you do me a favour, and go out with her?’

A strange offer from a man he’s never spoken too.. Did Tae call Yoongi a sweetheart earlier, because at the moment he’s an absolute asshole.. So much, Tae squints his eyes tight and considers spraying either pepper spray or bear spray in the evil man’s seeing globes.

‘So, you’re not here because you want to be friends?’

Betrayal lines the opening of his throat, bitter bile rising to fill the spaces of his loveless heart..

‘No..’ ‘You can think ab-’

‘I’ll do it.’

Tae has a thing for bastards.. It’s showing, and he hates it.. It isn’t his fault his over-bearing, emotionally-unavailable, and self-absorbed stick figures for parents has lowered his standards to a negative 7.. The child in him is screaming to get approval from this unsatiable being.. The child in him is screaming ‘there must be something beautiful behind those ever-lasting grimaces.’

In his parents, never.. In Yoongi, maybe..

‘Tomorrow, 4 pm. Cafe Bonsai.’

A- a- ha- ha- ha-..

Step number one: Get to know this Y/N girl

Step number two: Ask her shit about Yoongi

Step number three: Ask her to help me

Step number four: Yoongi, conquered!

‘Do you prefer sandwiches or burgers?’

‘Burgers..’

‘Ah, me too!’

‘Cats or dogs?’

‘Cats!’ ‘Cats!’

‘Ahhhh!’

Like how we warm ourselves up after a rainy day, or how we dodge from falling stones - knowing of how it will harm us.. Certain things just come naturally to us. Like snow in winter and ripe grapes in summer. Like moisture on cold glass and

The sky is an awful shade of grey, facing it.. One would know.. You don’t have to tell Taehyung.. He already knows..

That he was in big trouble when it came to you.

________________________________________

Aged Eighteen ↴

He felt free.. until he didn’t-

*on the phone*

‘Aren’t you going to show me what you painted the other day, Tae?’

‘Come on, Y/niee,’ in a sleepy voice he smiles as he flutters around on his matress.

‘You know I don’t show my work to just anyone.’

‘Do I have to pay up, Sir?’

‘Now now.. I’m expensive.’

‘Not as expensive as Yoongi’s sculpting rate.’

‘Not as expensive as that, but still more than a high school student could ever afford.’

‘But enough for his best friend to afford?’

‘Maybe..’

‘I’m hanging-’

‘Come over tomorrow, I’ll give you a peak!’

‘Okay, painter.. Hanging up for real now, sweet dreams..’

Sweet? That was when the monsters creeped in, crawling through his bedroom door and dragging him off of his sleep.

The red one pulls at his feet: ‘Aren’t you afraid, Tae?’

The blue one pokes at his undefined cheeks: ‘Too happy.. more than you deserve, isn’t it- Kim.’

The purple one hovers above him: ‘You’re not supposed to be doing any of this, child.’

*crash*

*boom*

*bam*

*puff*

C̷̨̯̫͛̂͐̉̄̎͆͛̚͠r̴̳̘̅̈͆̃͆̈́̓̇͠a̷̪̟̩̗͊͊̅͐͜s̷̘͓͎̓̀̄̀͗̀h̵̨̩̫̯̕ ̷̛̛̤̆̉̍̽͛͒͘

̶̨̱̹͔̈́ͅ

̸̞̳̰̍͆̏͌͘͘̚͠

̵̗̘̳̗̤̪̬̬̑͌̕͜

̶͚͉̥͚̠̤̥͌

̵̧̞͖͈̻̮̓̏̈́͗B̵̫͎̩̥̯͍̲̊̍̎͝ą̷̧̼̦͖̗̯̮̓͊ḿ̴̫̩̻̲̙̭͖̄̄̍̀͜ ̵̼̭̗͕͊͆͋́͠͝

̷̨͓͔͇̯̘͇̋B̷̜̖̘̙͔̜͚͉̿̀̉̚ơ̶̖͐͛͌̒o̷̒̄̓͆̌̅͗͜͝͠m̵̛͚͖̹̖͖̞͕̲͎̉͐̾̆̀̍̀̈́ ̸͎͊͗̆ ̸̹͉͕̥͓̥̄̓̾̕ ̷̧̛̯̗̭͎̳͚̃̅̃̓͑́̚͝ ̵̛̮̝̲̦̫̦͔̜̑̐̀̀̂̑̽̑͝B̴͇̻̪̭̥̭͍̊̄͐à̷̧̠͇͇͉̘͉̱̍͗̈͛̃͘̕͘m̵̥͎̣̜͍͇̏͑̏̃̆̿

̴̪͖̓͒͠

̷̮͔͍̬͎͓̯̫͂̀ͅP̵̨̖͙̯̞̩̪͔͑̉̽̃̒͜u̸̺̺͖̽f̵̘̰̟͊̐́͊͐̿͝ͅf̷̢̛͕̘̻͙̙̙̓̓̃͌͑̿͋̈́

̴̻͍̖͛̄̔̀̽̊̾̕̚͝

̴̨̝̟̗͙̦̾̕͝ ̵͉̘͉͚̝̟̉̏͜͝ ̵̭̳͚̬̮̯̦̔͑̑̓̊ ̷̦̞̮͓̲̳͎͙̖̎̈́̋͌ͅ ̷̻̱̮̼͂ ̶̡͉̟͓͙̀̓̀̌Ḣ̴̨̧̱͉̳̰̇̽̉̈́͊̄̍ų̴̰͕̥̹̘̥̮̣̫̂͌͂͂͝ḟ̸̧̥̘̘̬̳͉̣̹̘̇͗̂̏̇f̴̀͐͂̈́��̙͈͆͝

̷͕̼̍̾

̵͕́̉̄B̴̡̮̙̯̤͔̩̺̍ͅổ̶̤͙̝̩̲̠̝͓̒̏ö̷̝͚͓̜̼͙̦́̉́̀͂͛̿̀͜͝ö̵̦͎͔̟͇̲̱̿̈̉̋̾̓m̵̛̳̯̤̞͔̳̰̆̄̚!̷̩̖̹̖̮̊̃͗͛

‘Huh.. huh.. huh..’ sweat coats his honeyed skin, clinging onto it like tar on rugged walls.

Like bits of newspaper being placed onto cardboard with watered-down glue, it sticks.. it bleeds.. and it feeds..

It caves in, and his hands trail down the side of his headboard.. It trickles, and his feet relax to the beat of death..

‘This- This-’

The sound of rummaging, throwing and tossing painting red into the thunder’s thrumming blue..

Like a fool dressed in clown pants and bunny ears, he makes his way downstairs - to the noise that haunts his world - his peaceful world of birds and badly bred tigers.

‘Mom?’

‘Oh, Tae.. I was trying to find my plates.’ ‘And I happen to run into this,’ she snaps a brush in half with her feet as she kicks furiously at the mess she made.

‘You know.. My plates! The ones with the sakura flowers! The ones I bought from Japan! I was going to use it! Your dad’s coming home today!!! His plane arrives this afternoon!’

He ignores his mother’s complains.. He burries his head into the ground, dirt slowly burrying him to utter oblivion.

‘Those brushes?

‘Ah!! Your stupid aunt must have accidentally left them here! It’s okay I’ll throw them away!! Stupid bitch!’ she throws a flat-tipped brush across the kitchen floor - and along with it, she throws her son’s dreams away.

‘It’s the prettiest set of plates we have!’

And those are the only set of brushes Tae’s got..

He wants to weep.. But, he doesn't..

He wants to scream and throw one of her plates out the window, but he doesn't..

He doesn't do anything at all..

‘Give me the brushes, Tae.’

Even as she throws his brushes away..

‘Here.. The last one..’

He tucks it into the front pocket of his pants.

‘Now.. Where did I keep those plates of mine?’ with grey sticking out of her hair, she smiles at him.

He simply stares..

‘Aghhhh!! There they are!!!!’

‘Now!! Tae, how has your business classes been going!!’

‘Fine..’

‘Huh?’ putting the white-tinted box down, she looks back at him - expectations whirling in her eyes.

‘They’re going fine.’

He does not want to disappoint her( for as much as she has disappointed him over the years) he loves his mother with all of his heart.

‘That’s good to hear, Tae.’

She would pluck the world out for him.. But, she’ll never come to understand his love for rainbow tainted hands.. lead tarnished tables or the colour blue. That’s the way the universe works. Sometimes, we simply won't be able to understand someone.. despite how much hard we try to.. and how much we love or care for them. That’s just the way the universe works.

‘And then you’ll take up business management.. You’ll do wonderfully well. Won’t you? Our Tae..

He does not want to disappoint her, even if he tastes salt all over his mouth - and the image of his brushes stuffed in black garbage bags has his chest tight and his lungs submerged and brimming with sea water. He does not feel like a fish out of water, after all, for as long as he has lived.. He has known that this is where he belongs..(what he has been told, at least) He’s a little fish whose gills have been stripped off of him, and now he’s heaving for oxygen.. Desperately washing onto shore.. Desperately swimming towards his dreams that bubble with false hope..

‘Mom, what time is it?’

The clock inside of him was ticking..

Tick tok.. Tick tok..

He had to keep a straight face, he couldn’t let his mother know of his precious yet unrequited love for painting.. She would ransack through his room, pull out the stack of cheap paint brushes he had hidden under his bed and that big tool box filled with canisters of expensive paint that he used his birthday money saved up over the years for.

She would stare at him and question how her son ended up like this.. Striving for a passion that would cause him to starve.

‘Oh Tae..’ she would, with a tragic pair of eyes, pitty him with grace.

Oh, son.. I would never allow you to fill your stomach with the dirt beneath my feet. You will make people polish your shoes clean and everyone will be underneath your feet. I will make sure of it. Her eyes would scream..

She would look at him with horror, regretting the days she let her sister (his aunt) come by. She would phone her and scream: ‘What did you tell my son, you unfilial wench!’

And then she’ll phone his father: ‘Tae-Hoon.. Our son..’

‘It’s probably just a phase of his.. You know, children..’ he would reply, busy chugging down his second expresso shot of the day (it was 8 am).

‘Tae.. How about we find you a better hobby? Like- like- skiing? Ughh- like- basketball.. Just- not painting..’

She does not say it, but he knows why.. It has been imprinted into his head ever since he accidentally overheard his parents and grandparents talking over dinner at the ripe age of fourteen.

‘We thought she would be over it..’

‘It was our fault.. We kept on going: good job! good job! She is our child of course, your sister.. Compliments get into children’s heads. I mean, painting as a hobby is different from pursuing it as a career. One keeps you fed, the other doesn't.’

They were afraid, he’d end up like her..

________________________________________

Aged Twenty ↴

Worry grazed his face.. This must be a misunderstanding of some sort, isn’t it? The tickets.. He-

*rings*

To describe the look on his face.. One would have to go to paintings such as “Ophelia” after the well-known play: Hamlet by that of William Shakespeare. The sorrows of picking flowers and drowning in a river not as bitter as the betrayal and confusion that deforms the frame of both of their faces. Perhaps the same way Ophelia fell deep into sorrow upon realising of what Hamlet has done, Taehyung’s heart froze at what only his mother could have done.

The difference between the two though.. Is what a forensic pathologist might describe as one being too horrible to take in: a person with a bullet lodged in their forehead, and the trace of gun powder in their dominant hand. The other being too perfect to be true: a person with inflamed lungs (a sign of being drowned to death) and flesh discovered close to the hyponychium of their finger, wedged in between the tiny opening of their nails. For it wasn’t betrayal that froze Taehyung’s heart to shock.. No- Infact, his frozen heart has thawed.

‘I divorced your father today. It almost feels as though I’m some helpless trophy wife in one of those over-dramatic tv shows who do anything and everything to please their husbands. I was.’

‘I don’t think I’ll be talking to your grandparents anymore.. They’ve been feeding me too much-.. Prejudice.. Ah, forget it.. Bullshit.. They fed me bullshit.’

‘He he..’ ‘Tae?’

He was sobbing, dressed in a badly-stained shirt and joggers that were way too loose for him in the corner of his apartment’s bathroom. Afraid his roommate would hear him, he sucks his tears in.. Or was it his breath?

‘Tae. Are you crying, son?’

‘Hiccups..’

‘I’m assuming you got the tickets today. I put in a little word with the director at the Paris University of Arts..’ she smiles to herself ‘Ah ah ah.. I didn't bribe them. I know you would hate me for that, son. I showed them an artwork of yours.. Y/N emailed it to me.. I’m sorry if you feel like I’m invading your-’

‘And- I’m *sobs* sorry for cutting you off, mom. But, thank you.. Thank you..’

To say his life turned around that day would be an understatement and to say it changed his life completely would be an overstatement. As he sat down and Seoul blurred from his vision and all he could see was clouds. And eventually nothing as the flight attendant had requested for him to slide his window’s blind up. He relishes in a very important turning point of his life, but smiles fondly at how much hasn’t changed so far.

He was still the same Tae who found paint as nothing but pigment then eventually thought of it as his everything (his mother, you and Yoongi included in that label).. He was still the same boy he cried over his broken and trashed brushes.. He was that, yet so much more.. So much has changed, yet nothing has changed.. Deep in thought, he doesn't think it makes much sense.. Years later, he still thinks that it all does not make much sense..

There are a multitude of topics he could ponder upon, but.. Kim Taehyung decided that with a cup of orange juice in his hand, 6.2 miles off of ground and with his long legs crouched to fit the space provided.. That he wanted to be a little schmaltzy and overly sentimental - even if he gets a few glances from the old lady-

‘Ajumeoni.. (term used for a woman who is of old age)’

‘I’m only thirty-eight!’

The lady with the scarf.. His bad..

‘Can I please have more orange juice, please?’

That’s got to clear his mind!

‘Me too..’

‘Huh?’

His eyes sparkle.. A shade of brown that Tae would find delight in mixing colours to match and using his brush to blend at just so the light reflects onto it the same way it did in reality.

The softness of his face, the valley that is his nose, the plushness of his lips.. He was the kind of beauty that made Taehyung wainted to learn how to draw humans.

Sketch be sketch, step by step.. Line by line.. Only three people have made him want to delve in the art of portraying the features of a living, breathing and speaking being onto paper. Yoongi, You.. and now.. This stranger..

A beauty that won’t nudge you into a speechless bubble of amazement.. A beauty that won’t cause you stumble on your steps.. Solely, a beauty that you know deep somewhere in your heart that it would never do you wrong.. A beauty-

‘Orange juice..’

He hopes he doesn't get caught starring..

‘Oh-... Two,’ he clarified by putting two of his fingers up.

‘Jiwon..’

‘Huh?!’

That startles him, but the dripping of orange liquid in a disposable plastic cup calms him down.. Almost like chasing a panic attack away with the neverending sound of the piano.

‘My name.’

‘Oh-’

At moments like this, Tae questions more and more how on earth, he became his high school’s heartthrob.. He was loaded, good-looking (although he doesn't quite agree-agree).. In that department, he did fit into the stereotypical image of what a heartthrob supposedly is - at least according to all the dramas he has watched because he was bored and had nothing to do after finishing his assignments. He never attended any parties, never played with hearts or was never truly friends with anyone but Yoongi and You (Namjoon and Jin coming a very close second)..

He was always and still is a meek little boy who spoke a few words and wouldn’t hurt a butterfly.. In all the dramas he’s watched, he narrowed himself down as being the quiet kid who no one paid attention to.

He was-

Oh- Did people perhaps confuse his aloofness to being a cold demeanour that he held up.. meant to make him look cool? Oh- But all he wanted was to make friends?

Tae pouts, finding fault in his distant glances.. Probably scaring all of his potential friends away.. Then again, he did approach his Yoongi Hyung.. He’ll video call you both once he arrives at his dorm. It’s been bothering him for a while now.

‘Tae.. Oh my.. You can’t keep on falling into this hole of self-despair and deprivation. You’re not alice.. You know, when I first met Yoongi.. He was ready to dig holes in my face. But, I was ready to be his friend.’

‘Not true!’ the cat-eyed man rebutes.

‘Aish.. Hush, yoons.. Anyways, what I was trying to say was - you’re one of the sweetest and most easily approachable people I have ever met. It’s their fault, not yours.. They could have at least tried.. It just goes to show that they aren't worth even a millisecond of your precious time.’

‘After all, you’re our bread winner aren’t you?’

‘Aiii.. Stop teasing him. He might explode, Y/N..’

‘He could be blushing as we speak right now.’

‘Not!’

‘Blushing or not.. Anyhow, anywho.. Did you arrive well, Tae?’

‘I did..’

‘Unpacked yet?’

‘Nope.. Keeping that for tomorrow.. Too tired right now..’

‘Are you going to eat out continuously while you’re here?’

Easels fixed in place, loose screws jammed into inconvenient corners.. And badly chiseled wood.. The ocean was a fleeting yet consistent entity. Like how mother birds spoon-feed their youngs - Taehyung was like a baby bird with wings yet ready to fly with. With the illusion of his mother’s arms lifting him up in the sky, he felt as though he could fly to the sun.

His wings do serve a purpose now. But, if he were to fly too high - he would plummet to the ground. For even after they have transitioned from being melty wax to a solid rock of some sort - it will take time for peat to turn into coal.. and it takes a miracle for carbon to turn into diamonds..

Taehyung strives in being whatever is the best form of his self. He doesn't have to have diamond wings.. nor does he have to fly to the sun. He seeks joy in the most mundane and seemingly ordinary things in life. He doesn't have to fly high, being slightly above ground level and blending in with the rest of the world is more than enough to make him happy.

It sounds bad when he says it out-loud. But- Taehyung finds joy in being boring and simple.. Life doesn't have to have so much sparkle in it for it to be interesting - he thinks.

Then again, simple and boring can mean so many different things. To the post office man by the the bakery, it could mean sitting down all day and withering away just for someone to tap on his shoulder and tell him: ‘Can I mail this?’ To the cat living down the alley to what would now be Tae’s second home, it could mean eating tuna out of a can and making it safely under the fence when it rains. Sometimes, simple and boring can be beautiful. Sometimes, simple and boring is far more marvellous than exciting and fresh could ever be. The world is weird in that sense. We humans, are weird in that sense.

‘Tae?’

‘Maybe...’

‘Aigoo, honey.. Just mail him food. The kid’s shit at taking care of himself..’

‘Yoons.. What did we talk about letting him and independence.’

‘But-’

‘No buts no coconuts.. You love him, so do I. But, he’s no kid. He can take care of himself. We’re the same age for goodness sake.’

‘Tae.. Are you still there?’ you tap on the edges of your phone.

‘Yes,’ he answers, taking tentative sips out of the hot chocolate he got from the cafe next door.

‘Tae.. What did you have for dinner tonight?’

‘French onion soup..’

‘Man, Yoongi.. He’s already one of them.. We didn’t have to worry about him after all,’ you mutter outside of speaker length, knowing very well that Tae could still hear you loud and clear.

‘It was nice.. But, I feel like I’m going to miss Korean food so damn much.. Actually, I think.. I’m already missing it.’

‘Oh no, Tae.. do they not have any Korean restaurants there?’

‘Nope.. not even one..’

And that was exactly how his time passed by - one month of video calls turning into twelve months of video calls in the flick of an eye. As Tae’s canvases continue to be filled with all sorts of wonders, and as the stories he narrate with paint solidifies and dries into completion.. So does his loneliness.. It thrives, splashes onto him, and feeds off of him - wax pretending to be paint on the soft of his fingers..

‘Ya! Kim Taehyung! The project is due this Tuesday.. Are you not going to come over and help me..’

‘Shit- It’s tomorrow? Why didn't you tell me?. Shit- How are we going to finish on time?

‘Calm down, man.. I already did a shit load of work.. Just come over and help touch up the finishing details.’

‘Okay.. I will.. You still should have told me though. I would have helped.’

‘I did! Check your emails!’

‘Man.. Who uses emails in this day and age.’

‘Hey.. Are you calling me old, Kim?

‘Maybe I am, maybe I’m not.. Either way, let’s finish this project once and for all.’

Park Jiwon.. His name had a ring to it, almost like gold flowing in a stream of shadows. Tae would never admit it, he still refuses to. But, if he were to turn a blind eye to his inner monologue and listen to his “Tae Tae” senses. Alright! He’ll say it! Square up and confess to his sins!

When he hears the name: “Park Jiwon,” he might or might not accidentally break into a big-ass smile. Like- the ones where his eyes crinkle a little too much to the point where they appear as two sparkling orbs of daisies floating in the air - the sparkly kind, if daisies sparkled at all. They do have a shimmer-like reflevtion to them when he paints the flowers, to be fair.

Anyhow- What he means is.. The mention of Jiwon’s name alone has Taehyung smiling like he has just eaten the best spoonfool of the best Paella he has ever had in his entire life. Which is a once in a life time reoccurrence, since he lived in Spain and frequented Valencia like crazy during summer breaks back when he was in his teenage years. Therefore, the best paella he would ever have was one he already had and would probably never have again. Unless- he decides to visit his penpal: “Jinhyeon,” when Christmas break comes around.

Anyhow- In short and in conclusion.. Tae’s a hopeless romantic (but you can’t really blame the poor boy.. Can you?)

If you laid eyes on Park Jiwon for a few seconds, you would feel the same.. Tae was mesmerised by his beauty and voice on the plane, and when he volunteered to explain the idea behind what post-impressionism was on that odd January afternoon. Tae fell feet first and right into a pool filled with strawberry whipped cream. Oh, the baby bear harnessed a itty bitty crush on Jiwon alright. He would never admit to it, but.. He did.. Sunshine Comfort Boy was about 99% of what his heart was. The 1% left being a lack of common sense.

‘You know, I’m not the biggest fan of portraits... Right?’

‘I know.. I know... That’s why I never pestered you on that much,’ Jiwon sits on the slightly broken-down stool, nonchalant to Tae’s banter.

‘It’s because.. I’ve never been really all that good at it.’

That brings his pencil’s movement to a stop, the trees outside rustling to an abrupt halt as his head turned to meet Tae - who sits idly on another stool, closely parallel to him.

‘You get better with practice.. I know people say that all of the time. But, trust me on this one.. Some people just move a little faster than others do.. We don’t always remain at the corner of the wall though, we eventually move up the steps.. We do get better.. Even if it doesn’t feel like it.’

A silence that trimmed through the air like wild fire in a patch of grass. There eyes met, not a romantic glance - but one that ends up with two different outcomes.

Jiwon that laughs to his heart’s content

And Tae who makes a face of disgust, the reason behind the latter’s glee..

‘Ha ha ha..’

‘What?!’ he’s utterly confused.. Why was this man child laughing like the world just ended and he was behind it all?

‘Ha ha ha. Just look at your face!’ he infers to the window before them.

‘Pp- hmm.. Hee ha ha ha..’ he snorts and bursts into a fit of laughter.

When did Kim Taehyung harness such stern expressions?. Ever so solemn.. A sentiment he has never seen on his own face before. He would know. He’s Kim Taehyung.

‘Told you so..’

Smiles... Smiles.. He smiles..

‘You were just being.. A tad bit too corny. It felt like I was listening to one of those inspirational speeches on ted talk.’

‘Kim.. Don’t be so emo.’

‘Modern words.’

‘For modern kids.’

‘We’re adults.’

‘Modern adults.’

‘Those two words together don't make sense,’ Tae speaks with confidence in himself.

‘A.. What a juxtaposition expert you are.’

‘For your information, I got good grades in “language” for as long as I have remembered.’

‘Should have went down the poet route instead then, Kim.’

There it is again, those sparkly eyes of his.. The one's that has Taehyung a speechless shade of yellow. A blinding shade that brings unknowing joy to him and his sorry head.

‘Words just have never spoken to me the same way paint did.. You know? Otherwise, I would have been a poet by now.’

‘I’m glad you didn’t go down that route..’ ‘You’re too cocky to be poetic.. If I were to read anything you say, I would probably burst out laughing. Because- like- There’s no way this idiot means any of what he wrote.

‘Idiot?’

‘What?! Did I lie?’

‘I have a hard time believing idiots over what they say..’

‘Well.. I guess, it takes one to know another..’

‘That’s.. That’s.. That’s very mean of you!’

________________________________________

Aged twenty One ↴

‘Are you going to keep on following me?’ Tae sighs, even though deep down he doesn't mind one bit.

‘I’m not following you.. I’m simply walking next to you.’

‘That’s the same thing..’

‘Different concepts..’

‘You never seem to agree with me, don’t you.. Ji?’

Strolls along the riverside, hasty steps up mountains to see the sunrise, mouthfuls of rice cake soup warming you up through the cold.

A life through rose-coloured lens.. The plummeting of magnolia petals..

If Tae were to pick a colour… shade.. or hue to describe his life, he would pick grey.. Not because his life is sad or not worth seeing in colour. Because that’s where it has always stood. A centimetre away from darkness and light.

In a good way. In a way where he can bathe in the benefits of both, without having to always mope in one for the other to be left behind.

‘I only learn from the best.’

‘H- hmm..’ a sigh of disbelief that Taehyung fails to hold back (like many others he has failed to hold back), ‘Who?’

‘You..’

‘Ho ho! For saying that, you owe me a snicker,’ before his next words are said he retreats backwards and...

‘It’s only right.. You called me the best,’ he snickers..

A snicker for a snicker.. It’s only right!

‘Catch me if you can!’

He runs.. He runs in all his silly glory, looking like one would expect him to look. A twenty-year-old man brimming in the joys of his newly found freedom, in the middle of an ocean of youth and the things that come along with growing older.

‘Ha! I’ve got you!’

Maybe in a way, in that very desolate campus of their’s.. As Jiwon playfully tugs onto the seams of Tae’s sweater, along with it came the unwinding threads of his heart.

And as the threads of your heart unwind, you don’t realise it has come undone until the first abrupt beat of your heart resonates across dribbles of muddy water on the ground. Because unlike the laces of your shoes, you can’t see those loose pieces of thread.. Only when you fall and trip, do you realise they are there.

[thursdaygarbageday]

**A Magical Blood Draw**Once upon a time in the whimsical town of Quirkville, there lived a little girl named Daisy. Daisy was known throughout the town not just for her bright red pigtails and cheerful giggle but also for one peculiar thing: she was terrified of needles. “The mere thought of them makes me feel like I’m about to be turned into a porcupine!” she would exclaim.

One sunny afternoon, Daisy had to visit Dr. Mirthful, the town's friendly physician, for her annual check-up. She was particularly anxious because Dr. Mirthful had mentioned something about a blood draw. As she walked under the blooming cherry blossom trees, Daisy chanted to herself, “Just think of kittens, ice cream, and fluffy clouds… no porcupines, no porcupines!”

When she arrived at the clinic, the waiting room was filled with colorful posters of brave animals—like a lion wearing a superhero cape and a turtle holding a trophy. As she sat down, Daisy whispered to herself, “If they can be brave, so can I!”

Dr. Mirthful greeted her with a big smile. “Hello, Daisy! Ready to become a human pin cushion today?” he joked, winking at her. Daisy’s eyes widened, and she squeaked, “Isn’t that illegal?”

But then, something magical happened. Just as she was about to enter the examination room, a gentle breeze fluttered through the window, carrying with it a soft, shimmering light. Suddenly, a tiny fairy named Flutter appeared before Daisy. With glimmering wings and a twinkle in her eye, she said, “Fear not, dear Daisy! I’m here to help you conquer your needle phobia!”

At first, Daisy was skeptical. “How can a tiny fairy help me with a giant needle?” she asked, crossing her arms defiantly.

Flutter giggled. “With a sprinkle of fairy dust and a dash of magic! But first, let’s make some jokes to lighten the mood.” And with a flick of her wand, a rainbow of sparkling dust surrounded them.

“What did the needle say to the patient?” Flutter started, looking at Daisy with mischief in her eyes. “I’m just trying to get to the point!”

Daisy couldn't help but chuckle at that. “Okay, maybe this won’t be so bad,” she admitted.

“Why don’t blood draws ever get lost?” Flutter continued, darting around Daisy. “Because they always follow the vein!”

By now, Daisy was giggling uncontrollably. “These are better than jokes about porcupines!” she exclaimed.

As they entered the examination room together, Flutter spread her fairy dust all around, making the room shimmer with vibrant colors. Dr. Mirthful chuckled, “What’s all this sparkly magic? It looks like a party in here!”

“I’m here to make blood draws less scary!” Flutter announced confidently. “Just remember, it’s like giving your body a little high-five!”

Daisy took a deep breath and nodded, feeling a surge of courage. “Okay, let’s do this!”

Dr. Mirthful prepared everything with utmost care. “You know, Daisy, when I was your age, I thought needles were like tiny dragons. But then I learned they just want to help me stay healthy!” he chimed in.

With Flutter by her side, Daisy held out her arm. Dr. Mirthful swiftly and gently inserted the needle. “And… done!” he said cheerfully. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

Daisy blinked in disbelief. “Wait, seriously? I didn’t even feel it! It was like a flutter from a butterfly!”

Flutter did a little twirl in the air, sprinkling more fairy dust. “See? A little laughter and magic can conquer any fear! You were braver than a lion in a tutu!”

As Daisy left with a band-aid on her arm and a smile on her face, she felt an overwhelming sense of achievement. “I guess I’m not just a regular kid; I’m a kid who faced her fears with a fairy on her side!” she declared proudly.

From that day on, whenever Daisy thought about blood draws, she remembered the cheerful jokes and the little fairy who made everything magical. And if anyone asked how she felt about needles, she’d simply say, “I used to be scared, but now I just see them as tiny dragons helping me stay strong. Plus, I have a fairy friend who thinks I’m brave!”

And so, Daisy continued to grow up in Quirkville, where magic was never far away, even in the most ordinary moments. After all, laughter was the best medicine—next to fairies and occasional kitten videos, of course!

[maelstrom-of-emotions]

I just made a post on this, and I agree with you OP. I don't mind fanon portrayals—do what you want, it's supposed to be fun—but it becomes off-putting because it gets so out of hand, that people actually start to consider it canon.

(I'm not even kidding, I have a friend who has read all the Harry Potter books multiple times, and she was like: ‘I wonder how they even passed school, it must have been due to favoritism.’

And I was like: ‘You did read the books, right?’)

I feel like this characterization is very, very outdated in its beliefs. Because it sort of insinuates that all smart people must be bookish nerds who have no idea how to have fun, something I feel like we've passed years ago. Now, I don't doubt that there are smart people who are always studying, and I've met my fair share of them as well, but it would be unfair to say that those are the only smart people to exist.

And speaking of which, we can't really classify intelligence and/or smartness as that's quite a broad topic, but in the ‘top of the class’ spectrum we're going with today, I've had classmates who were top of our class and were considered super-smart, topper children and they made marshmallow castles and debated on whether to dye someone's hair neon blue or sparkly pink — incredibly important discussions.

So, I think we need to let go of this idea that smart students are people who have their noses in books, no-nonsense, rule-abiding killjoys, the person who takes a light joke way too seriously and start explaining the science about it type of people. Because that's honestly stereotypical and a very narrow way of thinking.

Now, there comes the matter of : ‘That's all fine and dandy, but surely you're blowing this out of proportion? I mean, is there even any proof about this?’ And I see your point, after all, fanon becomes canon so much and so easily it's hard to tell what's real and what's not, and if one presents a case, it is required to bring proof, and so proof you shall have.

“It took them the best part of three years to work out how to do it. Your father and Sirius here were the cleverest students in the school, and lucky they were, because the Animagus transformation can go horribly wrong — one reason the Ministry keeps a close watch on those attempting to do it. Peter needed all the help he could get from James and Sirius.” 

Remus Lupin, Prisoner of Azkaban.

They managed to become Animagi, one of the most impressive bits of magic, considered so dangerous that the Ministry keeps tabs on it. And it took these teenagers, three years to do such a feat.

“Look, Harry, what you’ve got to understand is that your father and Sirius were the best in the school at whatever they did.” 

Remus Lupin, Order of the Phoenix.

“Black and Potter. Ringleaders of their little gang. Both very bright, of course — exceptionally bright, in fact — but I don't think we've ever had such a pair of troublemakers —”

Minerva McGonagall, Prisoner of Azkaban.

And some might consider this over-confidence but they were both calm as can be after the OWLS, and were confident that they'd do well.

Well, I thought that paper was a piece of cake,' he heard Sirius say. ‘I’ll be surprised if I don’t get “Outstanding” on it at least.

You might,' said Lupin darkly from behind his book. ‘We’ve still got Transfiguration, if you’re bored you could test me. Here ...' and he held out his book. But Sirius snorted. ‘I don’t need to look at that rubbish, I know it all.'

From Order of The Phoenix.

Not to mention these are the same people who created the Marauders Map which keeps tabs on everyone in Hogwarts, what they're doing, where they are, and even Polyjuice Potions and Invisibility Cloaks can't fool it — as seen by Barty Crouch Junior and Harry's wandering respectively. Quite some impressive bit of magic from children.

Now, they're not flawless characters, I've never claimed they are. In fact, as cliché as this sounds, it's their character traits that could be considered flaws are what make them interesting. But, it's not fair to just only consider those characteristics and write them off as stupid fools who have no clue what they're talking about and probably had to ask for other's students help.

I like to think—and this is a completely personal opinion—that it's their intellect that made them infuriating. Because, it's one thing to have a brainless prankster, but it's another thing to have someone who is smart and has fun. No wonder people had/have mixed opinions, it just feels very well-rounded. Something we're not used to seeing in characters. As they are usually very one-dimensional.

Sure, it's fun to pair the class clown with the nerd, as most characterizations of Jily do, and no shame if you do, I don't want to come off as though I'm bashing anyone's portrayals. But, explore other dynamics as well. It's quite fun, I've tried doing that for a couple of months, and my brother in christ I cannot tell you how more fun I'm having with fanfics.

James and Sirius's characterization in fanon remind me of how Harry and Ron are treated. How people think that they barely pass, when in the books, I'm pretty sure that it mentions that they “passed with flying colors” at some point. I suppose, in comparison to Hermione, Harry and Ron don't seem all that studious — but, remember what we just talked about? Don't stereotype. To quote what I said in another post: Just 'cause they don't study twenty-four/seven doesn't mean they're stupid, jeez.

Thank you for coming to my Ted-Talk. And if you have any other examples please let me know, I didn't have time to search for all of them.

James and Sirius aren't dumb, James and Sirius wouldn't be clueless in class, James and Sirius are smart and talented. Stop trying to make them dumb because what? They like pranks? Stop pushing the idiot James and Sirius agenda.

[eloves-writes]

a failed attempt to hate you

(tristan dugray)

a/n: i can only apologise if this writing is terrible, i wrote most of this in the middle of the night hopped up on medication for my disgusting cold. i hope it makes sense. anywho thanks for reading, enjoy, mwah <3

screw mr medina for making you help tristan study. you knew he knew from rory your inherent disdain for him, and it wasn’t your fault he was falling behind therefore not your responsibility to help him (as you had told mr medina last tuesday, with no effect). it was now sunday morning and you held little hope he would actually show up this time; he had somehow managed to cancel on your little study date 6 times already and it had only been 5 days since you were handed this apparently mammoth task. honestly, you didn’t expect him to show up at all, especially not anytime before noon- for which reasons you had made the decision put on your usual lazy sunday morning reading in bed get-up, which included (but was not limited to) an oversized rock concert shirt rory’s friend lane had given you in an attempt to clear her closet of non-christian attire, nothing but underwear underneath since you wouldn’t plan on leaving the comfort of your bedsheets for many hours, and a loose silk scrunchie you accidentally stole from rory keeping your hair out of your eyes. 

your book of choice today was ‘harry potter and the goblet of fire’ , the most recently released chapter of the boy wizard’s adventures at hogwarts. the clock beside you read 9:15 as you comfied yourself for a morning of magic and adventure, which naturally was ended a mere 8 minutes later at 9:23 when the doorbell rang downstairs. you assumed your mother would answer it, but when it rang a second time you remembered your parents had both gone out to watch your sibling’s soccer match and you’d have to get it yourself.

it didn’t even cross your mind to put pants on, or that it may not be the postman at the door, until you opened it to see your very favourite chilton student whose eyes had hastily wandered to your bare legs. typical high school boy, you thought to yourself before your brain actually grasped the situation and kick started into action.

‘tristan. hi.’ you said with a slight shock in your voice.

‘erm, hi. i hope i’m not interrupting anything,’ he smirked, glancing down at your thighs again.

you rolled your eyes so aggressively you hoped mr medina could hear it from wherever he was spending his day, irritating boy-less and free to do whatever he wanted with his time.

‘you’re not,’ you quipped. ‘i just didn’t expect you to actually show up this time. and early may i add, i’m sure we said 11.’

‘we did, but i’ve got plans later so i thought i’d come by earlier and get this over with.’

‘how did you know i didn’t have plans? i might have been busy before 11.’

he pulled a face of amusement and you could swear you saw a hint of sarcasm shining through his eyes too. ‘right. are you done talking now or can i come in?’

‘you can come in, i guess,’ you sighed, closing the door behind him and showing him to the kitchen table. ‘wait here, i’ll go and get my books.’

‘grab some pants whilst you’re at it.’

‘stop talking,’ you called as you walked upstairs.

you came back downstairs a few minutes later fully-clothed and carrying your english notes to see that tristan had wandered from the chair you specifically remembered telling him to sit in, and was instead tracing a finger along the bookcase that stretched across the far wall of your living room. for a moment you just watched him nosey into your life; the framed certificates, the family photos, the 5 tapes of ‘beauty and the beast’ stacked atop of each other because it was your favourite film when you were 9 and practically every living relative had bought you a copy. beside those was a picture of you dressed as princess belle at disneyworld with chocolate ice cream smeared from cheek to cheek, a huge smile plastered between. tristan picked it up and turned to face you.

‘thoroughly adorable. seriously, you should go for this look more often.’

‘ha ha,’ you grimaced, snatching it off him and placing it back on the shelf. ‘are we studying or reminiscing on my past fashion choices?’ 

‘oo, someone’s in a good mood this morning huh,’ he teased. you pulled another face, once again silently cursing mr medina for completely ruining not just your day, but in fact your whole week. by god this boy got more irritating the more time you spent with him- it had only been 10 minutes, but it was 10 minutes longer than you ever previously had or ever wanted to.

 ‘can i get a drink before we start?’ he asked, redirecting the conversation and walking past you back into the kitchen. he began opening various cupboards, searching for a glass. ‘where’s the-’

‘why yes, tristan. you can have a drink,’ you snarked, opening the cupboard behind him with a dramatic flourish. he raised his eyebrows at you and reached forward to grab a glass, leaning over you as he did so. you caught a whiff of his cologne and almost forgot to dislike him for a moment.

‘there’s, um, soda in the ... fridge,’ you told him, voice unwillingly faltering as he looked down to meet your eyes. he had pretty eyes. pretty, blue, sparkling, stupid, annoying, asshole eyes. 

you found the thick tension sickening. you refused to be another girl at school who simply swooned over him when he walked past your locker. you didn't like him. you were here to teach him english. because he was dumb. and actually, his eyes weren’t that nice.

he grabbed a soda out of the fridge and you both sat down at the table and began reading through your analysis of ‘to kill a mockingbird’, adamantly pretending not to see him staring at you the whole time. 

why? he had had every popular and pretty girl in the whole of chilton, how was he ever so starved of female attention that he would look at you so admirably when you liked to make it clear you despised him? in fact, you enjoyed making a special effort to flip him off, or pull a face at him when he walked by, or kick his chair extra hard in spanish, or... oh shit. you had seen it from an outside point of view now, and it was glaringly obvious; maybe you did like him, just a little bit. shit. rory owed lorelai 10$ and a cheeseburger from luke’s, though you didn’t want to have to admit she was right when she’d said you were like a kindergarten boy pulling a girl’s ponytails because he thought she was pretty.

‘hey tristan,’ you started, breaking the comfortable silence between his questions and suddenly nervous to talk to him. stupid, it was still the exact same boy you’d been complaining about all week, nothing new. 

he looked up from your notes. ‘what’s up princess?’ 

that was definitely new.

‘don’t call me princess’ -he smirked irritatingly- ‘do you need to stay much longer? i mean, is there anything else you want help with?’

‘trying to get rid of me?’

‘no! no. i just thought that you’d only stay and pretend to listen to me for like, half an hour then vanish. it’s 11:30 and you’ve been through my whole binder.’

‘it is? time flies.’

‘tristan.’

‘i do care about my grades, you know. and you’re a good teacher, i might have a chance at an A.’

‘why didn't you show up the last 6 times we planned then?’

he put down his pen- your pen, actually. it had pink sparkles on the lid. ‘got to keep up my street cred.’

‘ha ha. funny,’ you replied as blankly as possible, pulling back a smile you could feel in your stomach. you made eye contact again and, like every other time since you’d sat down and started studying, you held each other’s gaze for longer than necessary. funny how realising you like someone makes you suddenly act like it.

‘i should get going then right,’ he said, picking his jacket from the back of his chair.

you felt weird, almost as if you didn't want him to leave after praying earlier he wouldn't show up. alas, your parents would be home soon and you would be willing to bet money that tristan would have some interesting jokes about your being home alone that would not slide with your dad.

‘yeah. i hope you get that A,’ you said, accidentally smiling as you walked him to the door.

tristan turned to lean on the frame of the now-open door and put on a face of mock surprise. ‘my, my, y/n. was that a kind comment and a smile? you’re spoiling me.’

‘shut up, i hope you fail.’

he smiled back. ‘you really mean that?’

‘i guess not.’

there was yet another beat of heavy silence.

‘see you monday.’

‘see you monday.’

you closed the front door as he walked down the drive, but noticed tristan’s car keys still sat on the kitchen table. a porsche, of course. you picked them up and reopened the door to his fist poised to knock. the two of you laughed awkwardly for a second.

‘i forgot my-’

‘you forgot your-’

another awkward laugh. jesus christ this was uncomfortable. you passed him the keys, and with absolutely no warning at all, your lips were suddenly met with his. they were soft and confident, and his free hand held your face as you tried to process the new situation. you quickly melted into the kiss, letting him take control until he pulled away and smiled that sparkly smile you didn't hate as much as you tried to.

‘didn't see that one coming,’ you said breathily, brushing some loose hairs off of your face.

‘i knew you didn’t hate me.’

‘ever the arrogant twat.’

‘hey, does this mean you’ll stop kicking my chair in spanish?’

‘absolutely not. in fact, i think i’ll kick it harder.’

‘as long as you let me do that again.’

tags: @leossmoonn for inspiring me to start writing again, @account123445 & @lmaoidekanymore6 for asking me to post tristan fics! (couldn’t figure out how to make the tags work but if you read this, you know ✨)

[smoochkooks]

—christmas cream(pie) ; (m.)

⟶ pairing: jeon jungkook/reader

⟶ genre: established relationship, smut, fluff

⟶ word count: 3.6k

⟶ summary:  a day before christmas dinner with your boyfriend's parents, you discover another alternative way to use the chocolate cream you’re making. jungkook is more than willing to indulge in your little fantasy.

⟶ warnings: explicit sexual content, food play, finger-sucking, spit kink, dirty talk, oral (f) receiving, slight choking but nothing too extreme, unprotected sex, creampie, jungkook being the sweetest boyfriend on the earth and your emotional support, tooth-rooting domestic fluff:(

a/n: hi!! this is my little christmas present for you. hope you enjoy what my brain came up with yesterday<3 ps. i also dont know what kind of fic title this is.

Christmas secure a top spot on your own self-made list of holidays. You enjoy practically every aspect of it. The food, decorating your house, songs, movies, the whole magical aura of warmth and love – you name it.

But this year though, you're fiddled with anxiety because it's the first time you're going to celebrate with your boyfriend Jungkook and his parents.  

You've been dating for two lovely years, living in a shared apartment for almost six months but somehow you've never spent any major holiday together. Until now, it actually felt like a step bigger than moving in. Choosing to be with your families and celebrate separately was never an issue for both of you.

And foolishly, you thought this year would be no like the other, that you'll kiss your sweet boyfriend goodbye before Christmas Eve and reunite after the whole shenanigans would end. But to your surprise, Jungkook had different plans for you.  

“Y-your parents did what?”  

“They invited us for a Christmas dinner.” he repeated calmy, completely unfazed by the pure shock marring your features.

He was sprawled on the couch, hair messy and falling onto his forehead because he had been avoiding barbershops lately (it wasn’t like you minded it–if anything, it made him look even sexier). He was wearing your favorite pair of sweats that had a soy sauce stain on the left knee and a simple black t-shirt, yet for you he looked like an angel sent from the above and devil reincarnated at the same time. So deliciously domestic and soft it almost made you wanna jump him right here and there, if it wasn't for the more nagging matters that you had yet to discuss with him.  

“But,” you stuttered, brain too consumed by nerves to help you formulate coherent sentences. “I was visiting your parents in Busan over summer.”  

“Yeah, but it's been a while and they really want to see you again,” he said, raising from his spot. He came up to you, his tall, lean body towering over your form. The moment you saw his sparkly doe eyes boring holes into yours, you knew you were approximately twenty seconds from giving in. “Pretty please.” he tried again, palms cupping your flushed cheeks until you had no choice but to agree.  

“Okay.”  

Jungkook grinned in response and leaned to press a chaste kiss onto your lips. “Love you, baby.” He tasted like spicy noodles and soda but you ignored it, mustering a small smile.  

“Love you too.” you said, always meaning those three little words because truly, you could never resist Jeon Jungkook and his charms. He had you wrapped around his finger more than you'd ever admit and you'd simply do anything to make him happy, even if that meant stressing over a Christmas dinner with his parents.  

“They really like you, ___. You have nothing to worry about.” Jungkook murmured upon kissing your nose, and then forehead. “My mom is already so excited to see you. She said she would make an apple pie because you once mentioned you liked it.”

You leaned into his touch, slightly less angry you had been surprised with a revelation like that but at the same time still apprehensive and filled with nerves. “You aren't making this easier, you know?” you asked.  

Jungkook sent you an apologetic smile. “You're amazing, baby. You don't need to convince my parents again that you're the right person for me,” he said, hands finding purchase on your waist and pulling you closer to him. “All you have to do is smile and compliment my mom's cooking skills. And maybe ask dad about fishing. You know he's been crazy about it lately.”

Easier said than done, you thought to yourself. Jungkook was a natural when it came to bewitching people. Your parents adored him because he knew all the right words to make them fall for his charms. He didn’t have to try hard or pretend to be someone else in order to be accepted as their daughter’s partner.  

You, on the other hand, were on a different side of the spectrum. No matter how many times Jungkook reassured you of your worth, you still had a lot of insecurities to deal with. That was just who you were as a person. Maybe it was why you clicked so well together. You needed someone to be your second Sun.

“You got his.” With a final kiss onto the crown of your head, Jungkook left you standing in the middle of the living room, and all you could think about was a fricking apple pie and finding new ways to impress your boyfriend's parents. 

Hence way you're currently in the kitchen, blender in your right hand as you mix the ingredients for the most extra chocolate cake you've ever made, determination written all over your features like you’re competing in the final Bake Off episode.

And why is that? Because your brain couldn't let you sleep peacefully at night if you didn't decide to bake your own cake for Jungkook's mother. It started innocently, slowly getting information out of your boyfriend about his parents' favorite food. Of course, you had to be clever about it, so he wouldn't suspect anything too early into the game. That's why after asking a round of rather specific questions you lured him into a blowjob because you know he usually loses his goddman mind after a good dick sucking.  

Content with your plan, you're now a day before the Christmas dinner, Jungkook's mother's beloved cake almost ready to be put into the oven.

“Babe, I'm home!” you hear Jungkook calling from the corridor. You sent him to do some (un)necessary grocery shopping so you could have a time for yourself to prepare the cake without him looking over your shoulder and analyzing your every move. You really hate when people do that because you’re more likely to screw something when you’re being watched.

“Let me taste it then,” he says, grabby hands reaching for the bowl but you quickly swat them away.  

“I'm here!” you shout back, unplugging the blender once you're satisfied with your chocolate cream.  

“What is the smell?” Jungkook asks, entering the kitchen. “Oh,” he quips, placing grocery bags on the floor. “You made this?”  

“Mhmm,” you hum, dipping a finger into the bowl and then putting it into your mouth. It tastes good, not too sweet but at the same time it still has a strong chocolate flavor. Perfect.

“Wash your hands first.”  

“Wait,” You can almost hear the gears shifting in his brain. His grip on your waist tightens as you desperately try to stifle the laugh babbling in your throat. “This is my mom's favorite cake.” 

Jungkook dramatically salutes you, even though you see him smirking under his breath. Once his hands are all clean and dry, you feel his arms encircling your body from the back. “Is this for me?” he murmurs, obviously referring to the cake.

“Nope. It's for tomorrow's Christmas dinner.” 

That’s why you break into a smile, pulling him for a quick peck. “You can taste my cream now.” you say.  

“Great observation.”

“And you said you were making it for the Christmas dinner,” Jungkook continues, “Which means you did this purposely.” he finishes, twirling your body so you're now facing him.  

“You said she would make me an apple pie so I thought I could reciprocate the kindness and do the same,” An innocent smile tugs at your lips. “Besides, the more food the better.” 

Jungkook snorts. “So here's why you were asking me all those weird questions lately.”

Your eyes widen. “You paid attention to that?”

“Babe, I might be a simple man who enjoys seeing his girlfriend sucking his dick but it doesn't mean I don't listen to you,” he says, sounding slightly offended but you know that deep down he's amused by the whole situation. “You didn't have to do that, you know?”  

You let out a long sigh. “I know but... I just felt so weird. Your parents are so happy to see us, they are doing all those preparations and I couldn't stop thinking about doing something to impress them in return,” you murmur. “So they wouldn't think it preparing a whole celebratory dinner for their son and his girlfriend was actually pointless.” you add in a smaller voice, dropping your head down.   

“Baby,” Jungkook coos, fingers grasping your chin so you could look him in the eye again. “You're an amazing person. My parents know that too. You don't have to prove them your worth. Ever.”  

His words make you relax visibly. You don’t know what you would do if you didn’t have Jungkook by your side. He’s just being himself, showing you his extremely caring side as he usually does when you feel down but somehow you’re more thankful for this now.

You dip your index finger into the cream. Then, making sure his eyes are trained on your face, you bring your finger up and envelop with your lips, purposely sucking on it obscenely. “Mmm,” you nothing but moan. “It’s really good.”

“That sounded awfully sexual.”  

“No, it did not! You're just perverted.” 

“But you love me anyway, don't you?” 

You snort at his stupid remark. Suddenly, a not-so-innocent idea pops in your mind and you wonder who’s actually the one with more inappropriate thoughts running through their head. Jungkook might enjoy teasing you on daily basis, but a girl can have her fun too, right?  

Jungkook's eyes darken seeing your little stunt you’ve decided to pull today. He bites the inside of his cheek, before saying,”’I know what game you’re playing.”  

“I’m not doing anything.” you respond, feigning innocence. Before you can dive for more cream, Jungkook grabs your wrist and stops you.  

Bingo.  

When he takes his two fingers and plunges them into the cream, you know exactly what’s coming next, the adrenaline and excitement pumping through your veins. He brings his fingers up towards your face and you have to fight an urge to stay still, waiting for his instructions like the good girl you obviously are. “Open up, baby.”  

You oblige immediately, mouth falling open and tongue out. He pushes his fingers inside, sweet, chocolate cream filling your taste buds. “Suck.” he says simply, eyes fixated on your lips. You do it without a second thought, swirling your tongue around his digits and making sure to lick every last drop of the substance.  

When he decides he can't take it anymore, he pulls his fingers out of your mouth and before you can even blink, he crashes his lips onto yours; fast, messy and unforgiving, thrusting his tongue inside to play with yours. His motives are clear: you aren’t leaving the kitchen without getting properly fucked.  

“So sweet,” he murmurs against your lips, the hand around your waist pulling you flush against him. “My cute girlfriend thought she could tease me and get away with it.”  

He bites onto your lower lip as to prove his point and you whimper. “It’s not like that,” you manage to say, grinding yourself against the evident bulge in his pants. “I didn’t expect to get away with it.”  

Jungkook's hands travel to the backs of your thighs and he lifts you up effortlessly, placing you on the counter. You’re sure there are traces of flour still on it but you couldn’t care less right now, not when a pair of hands roughly nudges your legs apart so he could stand in between them.

“So you did it purposely,” Jungkook leaves your mouth in favor of tracing kisses down your neck. Careful not to marry your skin with hickeys because you would beat the shit out of him if he did bruise your neck a day before the dinner with his parents. “Naughty girl.” He punctuates his statement with a bite to your earlobe, his next words being whispered directly into your ear. “What should I do with you, then?”  

You whimper, your thighs pressing together just hearing the tone of his voice. You lace your fingers through the locks at the back of his hair and place a kiss against his lips. “Fuck me?” you ask in a saccharine-sweet tone.  

He chuckles in response, fingers grasping your t-shirt and pulling it off you, revealing your bare chest to his hungry eyes. He wastes no time and latches his mouth onto a nipple but as soon as his tongue meets your hardened bud, he retreats. Confused, you watch as he reaches for the bowl once again and dips his fingers into the cream. He then smears it all over your nipples, a proud smirk caught on his lips when he leans back to admire his art work.  

“Kook,” you mewl, too pathetically for your liking and you know how much it’ll stroke his ego. “Please, touch me.” you plea, one of your hands reaching to pull him closer to you.

“Yeah?” His chuckle is almost sinister. “Look at you, all dirty and begging me so nicely. Not that smart with your mouth now, are you?”  

All you manage is a nod and meek “Please,” that quickly morphs into a drawn out moan when he finally dips his head to suck your nipple into his hot mouth. You never could have guessed that the idea of food play would be so arousing to you but here you are, pussy clenching around nothing when your sweet boyfriend licks chocolate cream off your boobs.

When he’s done and satisfied with the result, he grabs your sweatpants and pulls them down along with your underwear in one go, your bare ass meeting with the cold marble of your kitchen counter. Jungkook wastes no time and spreads your legs apart, not giving you a second to shy away from his burning gaze before he dives in to lick a stripe up your slit.  

You cry out in pleasure when his tongue finds your clit and gives it a sharp suck, his hands grabbing your ankles and bending your knees so he could have a full access to your glistening core. You’re absolutely drenched, dripping down your thighs and making a mess on Jungkook's face but he doesn’t mind it a bit, eating you out like a champ you know he is.  

“So wet,” he rasps against your cunt. “Messy girl.”

To make matters worse (or better) he takes his sweet time and lets a glob of his spit mix with your arousal because Jungkook, much like you, enjoys giving a head more than anything in the world and makes it his priority to see you lose it on his tongue. You’re positive you will come like this if he keeps continuing abusing your clit just right. He knows your pussy like the back of his hand. Knows what makes you keen, how to make you eyes roll to the back of your head. It fuels his ego to see you like this; helpless and utterly devoted to the pleasure and you don’t even mind when he brags about it later. How could you if you benefit so much from it?  

Suddenly, he grunts into your cunt and your brows furrow because it’s not the sound you’re used to hearing during sex. You look down to check what’s wrong but he’s already up and in level with your eyes, a sheepish smile adoring his features.  

“Neck cramp,” he explains, his palm massaging the back of his neck. “Eating pussy is easier on the bed.” You can’t help but giggle, replacing his hand with yours and providing him a temporary relief. “I’m sorry. Were you close?” he asks. 

There he is. Your sweet, caring boyfriend who never forgets to ask for consent before railing you into the mattress and always putting your pleasure before his own.  

“Mhmm,” you hum, grasping his t-shirt and lifting it off his body. It should be considered a sin to look like this, you think to yourself. “But I want to come on your cock instead.”  

Jungkook grins, quickly pulling down his pants and underwear. His cock slaps against his stomach, pride swelling in your chest because you know you can make him this hard without your touch. “How do you want it?” he asks, guaranteeing himself a moment of relief when he gives his cock a few pumps, spreading precum all over his length.

“Like that,” you answer, gesturing at your current position on the counter. “Wanna see you.”  

“Anything for my pretty girl.”  

If you weren't already red, you would have blushed at his cute words. The sentiment doesn’t last long though, your face twisting in ecstasy when he lines himself up with your entrance and starts pushing inside, the stretch deliciously burning. “Oh my god, Kook,” you whimper, hand clutching onto his biceps for support. “So big. You feel so good.” He groans, slithering himself deeper. His forehead rests onto yours, few ragged breaths before you murmur, “You can move.”

He sets a punishing pace from the beginning, fucking you hard and fast; wet, slapping noises filling the kitchen. You’re a blubbering mess, moaning incoherently as he splits your pussy open, thrust after thrust. “Yeah, fucking take it,” Jungkook rasps, grabbing your hips even harder, no doubt leaving there marks. “Cream my cock like a good girl.”  

You mewl in response, your eyes focusing on his parted lips. “J-jungkook,” you stutter, head completely deprived of rational thoughts. “Spit in my mouth.” It’s almost a breathless plea on your tongue.  

He curses, his right hand squeezing your cheeks. “Open.” You do it right away, nearly moaning when he purses his lips and spits, eyes almost bulging out of his head when he sees you swallow it greedily. “Dirty fucking girl.” he growls.

“B-but you love it, right?” you whimper, eyes glossy because he's hitting that spot inside your pussy that makes your toes curl. “L-love when I’m like this just for you.”  

“Fuck, yeah I do,” Jungkook says, placing his hand around your throat. He doesn’t apply pressure and simply rests it there, urging you to look directly at him. “I love when my pretty baby becomes a dirty slut for me.” He punctuates his words with a harsh buck of his hips that makes you cry out.

You can't take it anymore. “K-kook,” you whine, grabbing his wrist and urging him to squeeze your throat. “I love you.”  

Despite his hand around your neck and cock abusing your cunt, he breaks into a smile. He leans down to kiss you on your putty lips. You try to keep up with him but there’s no use for that, so you just open your mouth and let him slither his tongue inside. When he pulls away, your lips are wet with saliva. Messy, but you wouldn’t exchange it for anything less. “Love you too, baby.” he groans in a strained voice, dragging his cock fast through your walls.

As if reading your mind, his thumb reaches to rub fast circles on your clit. “’m so close,” you mumble, thighs shaking.

“C'mon, pretty. Wanna see you come around me.” Jungkook murmurs, gone is his dominant aura, it’s now only his gentle voice coaxing you into an earth-shattering orgasm.  

When you come down from your high, you’re swatting his fingers away from your core. Normally you would probably indulge into it more, but oversensitivity seems to be too much to handle for you today. Jungkook thrusts his hips a few more times and follows right after you, groaning your name and spilling himself inside.  

“That was nice.” he comments breathlessly  and you can’t help but chuckle, widing your arms around his neck and pulling him for a well-deserved kiss.  

“I’m too tired to move my legs and somebody needs to finish the cake,” you pout, not an ounce of exaggeration in your statement because that’s utterly true–you’re always too spent after a round of fucking with Jungkook to even go to the bathroom on your own. He gladly carries you there in his arms bridal-style every, single time.

“It's okay, sweetheart. I’ll do it.” he says, making you giggle under your breath triumphantly.  

You might be willing to do everything for you boyfriend but if anything, you’re equal in that department.  

“I’m also pretty sure there’s flour on my ass.”  

Jungkook raises his brow at you. “That I’m not going to clean.”  

“Fine. But next time I'm putting whipped cream on your dick.” you decide.  

When he pulls out of you, his cum spills out of your hole but he's quick to catch the droplets and push them back inside you with his fingers. “You’re a little minx, you know that, right?” he says and then licks his digits clean.  

“You love me anyway.” He grins, leaning to kiss you but he stops mid-way. “What is it?” you ask, raising your brows.

“Since I came inside you, we can call it a creampie, right?”  

Still slightly dazed after sex, you’re not quick enough to realise what he implies before it’s too late. “I mean yes but–oh my god. No, no, no! Stop!”  

“Cream-pie!”  

“I hate you!”  

“And I love you too.”  

After all, you were worrying about the dinner too much, as always.  

Everybody complimented your cake. Jungkook's mother was delighted. His father talked about fishing for almost an hour.

But your sweet boyfriend's smirking face as he ate the cake was telling you were in for a long night of sinning in your bed as soon as you went back home.  

And he obviously didn’t disappoint.  

[angelkurenai]

Wish upon - Bucky Barnes x Reader

Title: Wish upon

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: None

Summary: You were close when Wanda’s grief took over and she inevitably started controling an entire town, including you. Being her closest friend, though, instead of simply playing along, you were given a normal life of your own, with a daughter and husband whom you knew very well but never thought you had feelings for. Months later as you try to figure out your emotions for Bucky, the man seems to be trying to find every reason to stay close to you. Including asking you to join him when he’s ready to follow Sam in his adventures.

“Is that... Is that what I think it is?” you blinked several times, head tilted as you took in the object your husband was, full of pride you could clearly tell, holding and showing off to you.

“You bet it is. Polished, glittered or bedazzled, I can never tell the difference it's equally sparkly anyway, but above all ready to deliver justice. It's finally finished. Right on time at that.” he set the small pink and sparkly shield on the kitchen counter, right next to the baby bottle you'd just filled, because he knew just as well as you did that it was honestly the only way you'd keep looking at the toy and hoped that you'd like it. Which you did, sure, but not in the way Bucky hoped. “Well, what do you say about it?”

“I say that it would certainly deliver justice, no doubt by dazzling the bad guys first and foremost. Besides-” you tore your eyes away from the toy to narrow them at your husband “Just on time for what?”

“Halloween, of course.” he shrugged casually as he slowly made to reach for a piece of the potatoes you'd cooked to have on the side for dinner, but you noticed him and slapped his hand away, earning a not-so-innocent smile in return “I mean... What else is there else to talk about, of significance, in a small town like Westview besides holidays and who the new otherworldly couples in town are. The second having little to no point when one's wife can read minds, amongst so many other things, and said one is a metal-armed 106-year-old.” he sighed, raising his metal arm which he usually kept covered when outside “Honestly, I don't know who're gonna get called out on it first. Wanda and Vision or us.”

“We're handling it great. Besides, oh well a 15 year old gap is so overrated anyway. I tell you, 106 is the new 30, don't you worry a second, dear. You don't look a day over that.” you smiled sweetly, leaning in to peck his lips as he grinned.

“Ah yes, coming from the woman who last time we fought you told me that it's time to stop mourning over my buddy Rexi the dinosaur cause they're all gone now.” he said with a raised eyebrow and you shrugged.

“I don't see what you mean, I was still right.” you brushed him off, checking once more the temperature of the milk “Besides, getting off track here? You still haven't explained to me how that lovely and sparkly shield is of any use to us in Halloween?”

“Well, not us, obviously.” he turned to, according to everyone including him, his little princess “Jean of course!” he picked one of her hands and let her tiny fingers wrap around one of his as she let a giggle when he kissed her belly “It's all you've been talking about with Wanda these days. Her boys have their suits already in mind, it wouldn't be right for Jean to not have hers. It's her first Halloween anyway, even if she can't do any proper trick or treat yet.”

“I'm well aware of that, seeing as I've been planning all of ours suits. And no-” you raised a finger when you saw him raise an interested eyebrow “No, I'm not wearing the skirt version of it. Besides, what we're talking about here is Jean and I still fail to see how a shield will be any part of our little Phoenix's suit.”

“Well, because it's Halloween and she's- Well, she's part of this and she'll- The shield is part of the suit, honey. Obviously. I don't see what confuses you so much as to-”

“And I don't see what confuses you so much that you'd make a shield for her, beautiful as it might be, even though it has no place in all of it. Especially after I made it quiet clear on what costume will be.” you pointed out, baby bottle back on the counter as you crossed your arms over your chest “Honestly, I would rather her have a sparkly version of Sam's redwing before incorporating the shield in her phoenix look.”

He let silence fill the room, save for your daughter's adorable baby noises, before he finally spoke in all seriousness “No, no you wouldn't. You hate that thing too... It was the main reason that made me ask the question, like when you realize you've met your soulmate.”

“I-” only half a pause before you nodded “Yeah, you're right. I hate it... although I can't really remember how it looks like sometimes to be honest. Huh weird.” you let out a breathless laugh, frowning nonetheless.

“Oh how I'd wish for that sort of blessing.” he huffed “Including its owner.”

“Hush you love him!” you hit his shoulder “And, well, that's still all besides the point. Because Jean is not going to have a redwing or shield to her phoenix look in any sort of way. Maybe next Halloween if you wanna choose the costume, fine by me. But this year I am following through with my plans and not changing my mind.”

“Plans of what? Her being a phoenix bird? I get it, it's all magical and what not but-”

“Not just any phoenix bird, geez weez, do you not even listen when I speak, Mr Barnes?” you shook your head with a roll of your eyes.

“Well, sometimes it gets impossibly hard when you look as stunning as today, Mrs Barnes. Sadly all words fade away and as I am captured by your beauty all I can seem to hear is kiss me. How can I not comply?” he said so innocently and with such an adorable smile you couldn't help your fond one in return.

Seeing such adoration and love written all over your face had your heart on overdrive again, as if it was the first time you realized you were in love with him again. It was incredible how you could barely remember that moment whenever you thought about it, however you didn't care. You couldn't find yourself to care when looking at him had your chest fill with warmth, a pleasant buzz all over your body and no weight dragging you down. He made things more simple, having his love and having him by his side made life have meaning and your future full of hope. It hadn't been easy, that much in a way you could remember, but you knew it was worth it because he was worth it. You wanted to give him all your love, wishing that it could live up to the one in his eyes for you in return, so that he could understand what you did from the first moment you met him: he deserved it.

And even if- you couldn't explain why you thought so, but even if there were ever people that would willingly leave him behind, even if you'd never understand that, you were ready to show to him that you could and would be with him till the end of the line. This love you had in you for him had sealed the deal long before you even knew about it.

If anything, you were more than willing to live in this small town, heavens in these four walls of your house, so long as you had him by your side and were able to give him all the love you didn't know you had for him.

You shook your head lightly and gave him “Sweet talking me will get you nowhere, darling. Or rather-” you paused, smirking at him “It might get you in one place. The bedroom.” you grinned when you saw his eyebrows raise in interest “To get Jean's suit. Cause I remember I have some adjustments to make.”

“Bet you do.” he huffed like a little child “Cause she'll be a bird and not a superhero who-”

“Not just a phoenix bird, Buck. The phoenix, that's different.” you pointed out, making him frown.

“How is that different? And what... is the phoenix?”

“Well, it's-” you started but paused abruptly, frowning at your own thoughts “It's actually-” you blinked several time and let out a nervous laugh “Funny thing, I... can't remember. Wow that's... it happens all the more often lately.”

“Can't be important then, right?” he brushed it off casually even though you kept frowning in deep thought which for some reason didn't lead anywhere “Certainly no more than Jean's suit that it... And how we could incorporate a shiel-”

“No.” you cut him off before he could get to complete his sentence “Not gonna happen. I've already got everything planned, you're not going to ruin my plans.”

“Is this how it's gonna go every Halloween now? Us fighting over what Jean's costume will be until she's old enough to choose herself?”

“Oh dear, of course not. It's not fighting when you don't stand a chance against me in the first place.” you shrugged innocently and he tried to look stern by narrowing his eyes at you but you smiled and pecked his lips before speaking “I mean, you could never say no to these pretty eyes, could you?” you batted your eyes at him and he very fast, much faster than last time, sighed in defeat and nodded his head “Besides, you don't have to worry. Next Halloween we'll make her a costume that incorporates the shield too, happy?”

“Always.” he breathed out with such ease that it took a few seconds for you to not openly stare at just how much relaxed he looked, how he truly meant it and how shockingly different he looked while admitting it compared to only a few months ago... months, you weren't sure of the time anymore but truth was that you didn't care, because if there was one thing you could remember was that he had not always been like this and to have him truly happy made everything worth it.

“However-” he cleared his throat, as if noticing how you'd zoned out “That doesn't really solve the problem. Having to compromise, you know. Why should any of us have to? However, if we were to have more than one option...” he trailed off, leaning in closer without any regard for your personal space, not that he needed to, as you narrowed your eyes suspiciously at him “Say... if we were to have more than one options then things wouldn't be this hard, right? Just... to make it easier on ourselves?”

“Make it easier... how exactly?”

His hands found your hips, earning a small giggle from you as he pecked your neck once, twice and three times before he kissed your cheek and the temple, whispering in the end “Let's make more.” it earned a squeal from your as your eyes widened but he grinned even more widely “Come on, think about it. A little boy or maybe another baby girl, Jean would make a great sister. And we wouldn't have to argue about the Halloween costumes. Besides... would be a fun process either way.”

“You have to be kidding me.” you gave him a serious expression but his hopeful smile- no, scratch that. His smile that was bordering that of an idiot, if not lovesick one (but you were on the same boat on that), didn't fade in the least bit “Oh you have to- Alright, Mr Barnes, how about you learn how to feed your daughter without making a mess first and then you can come and talk to me about a second or third one hm? Cause, good as you might be at changing diapers, it ain't just that.”

“She just makes a mess because she enjoys to laugh at my expense, just like you and Sam.” he pointed out and you fought back a smile “And- Hold up a second... did you just say third? You think you're gonna let me ask for a third one too?”

Your eyes widened when you realized that he was really considering the prospect before your lips parted, you being ready to retort-

Only for no words to be uttered after that from your lips. The only sound being a deep intake of air as you were startled awake. Soon followed by a groan as you took in your surroundings and realized you were sadly still in your room. Sadly? Really? You didn't know if that was the case but even if it was, you didn't want to think even more about it. You buried your face in your pillow, not ready to face the day yet because... who were you even kidding? You wanted to go back to it. If not that fake reality, if not the playhouse that Wanda had built out of her grief and had dragged you into it as well - and maybe you hated yourself for how part of you did want that - then at least your dream would be nice.

It's been months and yet it feels as if it's been just yesterday that you were all released from her control. How could you not feel that way after all? When you were awake, the fake reality you'd thought your life was constantly on your mind, and when you were asleep even if you were not thinking of it, you were dreaming about it. It was constantly on your mind. And as if the experience itself, mind-control and all, hadn't left you with a few mental scares to add to your already existing ones to take care of, then the realization of the truth that lay within your own heart, was more than enough to keep the events replaying on your mind day and night.

To put matters simply: when you had followed your best friend, Wanda, after seeing her so distraught, leaving SWORD, you had never thought you'd find yourself playing house with a fake copy of one and only James Bucky Barnes thanks to said best friend. But while there was a chance for that, you never thought there was a chance that you'd realize you had feelings for the man all along.

Your life had been different there. Maybe because you were always close with the other Avenger, who knew. While there were times where you'd experience Wanda's grief, her nightmares from time to time came to haunt you at night just like it did with the rest of the town, your life was mostly... good. No, forget that, your life was nearly perfect. You had everything you wished for and things you didn't even know you had wished for. Maybe deep down you had always wanted it, a normal life, peace and calm, a kid whether it was yours or not... Bucky. You had probably always wanted him but didn't know it yourself, no doubt you were too busy crushing over Steve.

If only your current self could see your past self, or at least self of barely a year ago, you'd have smacked some sense into your stupid self who thought Steve Rogers was the only man you could ever have eyes for. While you had come to be very close with the Captain and ended up doing almost everything together, everyone thought there was much more to the two of you, that it hadn't even occurred to you to think that Steve wasn't really the one you wanted. Maybe you had convinced yourself so, in a way that now that he was no longer there you were more shaken by the fact that you were not shaken by how he had decided to live his life with Peggy in the past than his absence itself.

You had not felt any sort of betrayal, nor that you were suddenly all alone, certainly not as if anything was missing from your life. Granted, you had plenty to think about most of the time, day and night, but that didn't change things. You wished Steve had had a happy ending and you would on the occasion miss him the way you'd miss... a brother. You were always calm, no worries or fears, content with the fact that you knew he had been happy even if it was away from you because, in a way, you wanted it to be that way, it was natural. However, the mere thought of someone else leaving, someone that you thought far too often about, made your heart leap to your throat and your stomach tie in knots. The mere thought that Bucky could leave the way Steve had done made your throat close in a painful way and your eyes burn with tears, making you realize just who mattered the most.

If, again, Wanda plucking the truth about your feelings for the man to give you a life with him wasn't proof enough.

Your phone buzzing made you jump once more, eyes landing on the device on the nightstand. Reaching for it you were not surprised to see the messages that were pilled in your inbox. All from the same specific someone. A specific someone you had found yourself speaking with all the more often lately. Each time successfully managing to make you smile in one way or another, without fail.

Good morning. :)

Did I use that one correctly? I keep forgetting them, no matter how many times you show me.

And show him you had, just like that there was an option for him to choose from different ones instead of having to type them, but that was still work in progress. So even if Bucky learning emojis was a memory that you'd cherish forever, it wasn't the only important one at the moment.

On second thought, it's a bit too early.

You're probably still asleep. Nevermind. Sorry for bothering you.

And then more, shortly afterwards.

I only wanted to know if you're alright, that's all.

Anyway, hope I didn't wake you up.

He, much like everyone else, thought it was hard on you to deal with Steve being gone so he did his best to keep in touch and being as selfish as you were, you didn't bring yourself to tell him the truth that you cared more to know about how he was and wanted the contact for that. Maybe he was also worried about you after Wanda's mind-control too. But if Sam's words were anything to go by, then it was all an excuse for Bucky to stay close with you. You didn't let your hopes get up for that reason though. You could gladly take whatever you got without wondering.

Again it was followed not much later by another message.

I've actually got something to talk to you about. Something happened, though you could already know if you saw the news. Can I come over to talk with you? I need your opinion on the matter.

And shortly afterwards came.

I've already got your favorite breakfast. To make up for, probably, waking you up. :)

The next one had taken longer, he had probably been waiting for an answer all that time. You couldn't help but feel bad about it. That and the fact that the reason behind you not replying earlier was because of how immensed you were in your fantasy life with him that you had not told him a thing about.

(Y/n)... are you sure you're alright? It's getting late even for you.

Truth was you had more trouble waking up after having a dream of that time. But you couldn't tell him that. And then there was the latest one.

Alright, I'm coming over. I really hope you're not dead in there. I'm not going to let you hear the end of it if you are. Oh dear, I sound like Sam right now. Forget I ever said that. Both of it.

Before you even had the time to think about what he could mean, because no you had really not seen the news yet, let alone type back a reply, the door to your bedroom burst open. It earned a squeal from you as you looked with wide eyes at Bucky standing on the doorway. You weren't even surprised how you hadn't heard him, not when he already had keys to your apartment and could easily sneak up on you. Not that him surprising you was what you cared about at the moment. It was, and you could only admit it to yourself, more important how you looked at the moment – and having just woken up you weren't sure just how attractive you looked – than anything else. Especially when Bucky looked better than ever with that new haircut that you were sure he'd gotten on purpose, just to test how much your heart could take.

“I thought doors existed back in your days, Barnes. Maybe knocking was an option too.”

You saw him let out a sigh of relief, shoulders relaxing “What would have been the point if you were dead? You wouldn't have replied anyway.”

“Bold of you to assume I would miss on another chance to lecture you about the proper use of emojis, Mr Barnes. Even death could not stop me.” you broke into a grin and he chuckled.

“What, did I really mess it up?” he asked with a small, far too adorable for your own good, frown.

“Oh no you got it just right.” you said softly, adoring the proud look on his face before you added “However, I've told you, you don't have to type them anymore. There is an option on your keyboard with that kind of stuff for you to-”

“Eh alright, alright I get it. I suck at it. I'm not even gonna try using them anymore.”

“Wha- No!” you whined softly “No, Buck, I didn't mean that. Come on, you're good. You just... have a lot to learn still.” you shrugged “That's all. We didn't do great at first either. Nobody really got emojis a first, but you'll get the hang of it.”

“But you still think I am a grandpa when it comes to technology. And my age doesn't help on that case either.” he shrugged, as if he meant it casually as a joke but you could see a small hint of self-consciousness there as well.

“Nonsense.” you said softly, finally throwing the blankets off you “You're far from a grandpa, Buck. In fact, I strongly believe that 106 is the new 30, and you don't look a day over that.” the words were out of your lips before you could even think about it and when you realized what you'd said, your smile flattered a bit. You were glad his back was turned to on that second that he didn't notice. You cleared your throat, sobering up “Besides, new things are not everyone's cup of tea anyway.”

“Uh yeah...” you notice the relaxed, and almost happy, look fade away from his face as his eyebrows pulled back into a frown. He looked down for a second, leaning against the doorframe with his hands in his pockets “Things do change. Sometimes faster than we can adapt to the new world around us.”

“Alright, unless you're channeling Charles Darwin right now, which I don't think you are, care to explain to me what's wrong? Because... I am guessing something is, judging by your expression.” you got up and approached “Is this... about the shield? I- I don't know if Sam giving it up is that much of a good choice however... he must have his reasons, right?”

“Well, yes, but- this is not just about that.” he sighed, finally looking up to meet your eyes “Something happened and I've been thinking about it, I wanted your opinion on it. You know it matters to me.”

“...And? There is more to that, come on. Tell me.” you knew him too well and you hadn't even realized when that happened too “You know you can... Always.”

“I do.” he paused for a moment, holding your gaze before he let a soft sigh “It's just, I am going to go find Sam and... I want you to come with me. If you're up for it, I would like you to be there with me... maybe?”

“You know... I should punch you just for doubting whether I'd follow you or not. But just because it won't lead anywhere for me-” you smirked at him “Buy me dinner too and consider yourself excused and me up for any challenge. Strongest Avenger at your disposal, Mr Barnes.” you patted his shoulder, enjoying the deep chuckle that came from him. Even if his next words made the air get caught in your throat.

“It's a date then.”

[shemarmooresfedora]

Rebuilding Family

Summary: Y/N and Spencer were college sweethearts at Cal-Tech but once Spencer got accepted to the FBI Academy, he ended things deciding it was not fair to make Y/N wait for him. When they meet again years later, he discovers something unexpected.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Content/Warnings: pure fluff and a happy ending as promised :)

A/N: the final chapter 😭❤️ see my full note at the end

Masterlist

Chapter 37

“What’s your location? Over,” the walkie talkie on the kitchen counter crackled.

“Dino chicken nuggets are coming out of the oven as we speak. Over,” you replied back.

“Roger that. Over and out,” Jo stated and the walkie talkie went back to static.

Spencer got them as a gift for her and she would constantly have one with her, giving the other to someone before leaving the room so they could talk through it.

You headed out to the back porch and down the steps into the yard with a big plate of nuggets and dipping sauces as well as some juice boxes and applesauce for the twins.

“Coast is clear. Do you copy? Over,” you spoke into the walkie talkie.

“Affirmative. Bring ‘em up,” Jo exited the main part of the treehouse and you saw her on its little porch.

Spencer had built her a little pulley system with a basket and rope so she could lower or raise items up into the treehouse instead of carrying them up the ladder.

You placed the food and drinks inside and then made your way up the wooden ladder.

“Thank you, Mommy,” Jo smiled as she bit into a nugget.

“No problem, Cadet Jo,” you ruffled her hair up a little as she giggled.

You ducked to get through the door of the treehouse and sat down on a cushion on the floor next to Spencer who had both the twins in his lap.

“What are we watching?” you asked as you clipped the twins’ bibs on.

“Cars!” Jo cheered.

“I wanted to watch a subtitled Russian film but I was ‘boo’ed when I made that suggestion,” Spencer grinned as he grabbed the spoon to start feeding the babies.

“Hm I wonder why,” you teased.

Once Jo got the movie playing on the laptop, she took a seat in your lap with the plate of nuggets and took turns eating one, then handing one to you, then Spencer.

Once all the kids were fast asleep in your laps and the credits were rolling, you turned to Spencer.

“You and Derek really did a good job building this treehouse, love,” you complimented him.

“Anything for my family,” he smiled, then leaned over to kiss you.

-

It was the morning of Jo’s 8th birthday party. You wanted to make it extra special in light of what happened at her 7th birthday party.

Spencer kept reminding you that it wasn’t your fault a psychopath shot you and sent you to the hospital but you just wanted to give Jo the party she deserves.

You rented a bouncy house and an inflatable water slide. Spencer was doing a magic show and Penelope was doing face paintings. You baked a huge stegosaurus-shaped cake from scratch. No kid would be bored and Jo would have an amazing time.

You settled for having it in your backyard instead of the park now that you had plenty of room. The whole team came over earlier to help set up.

Penelope got all her paints organized on the porch table as Spencer set up his mini stage for the performance. Hotch and Derek filled the slide with water while you and Emily carefully brought the massive cake to the table outside.

Jo came running outside already in her swimsuit, eager to get the first splash in the water slide.

“You have to come with me, Uncle Derek,” she insisted.

“Jo, I don’t have my swimsuit on,” he replied.

“You’re in athletic shorts. They’ll dry quick,” Savannah, his girlfriend, yelled from where she was setting up the food table.

Derek looked to Hotch to help him out. Hotch pointed back to Jo who was giving him puppy dog eyes.

“Fine,” he groaned, taking off his shirt which elicited a holler from Penelope.

Jo made her way up the steps with Derek right behind her.

Jo sat down in Derek’s lap and then turned around to face him.

“Okay, ready?” she asked him.

Derek nodded and then pushed off, sending them both down the slippery slide.

“Weee!” Jo exclaimed as they slid down.

“Again,” she demanded, “Where’s Daddy?”

“He went to put his swimsuit on, Baby J, so he can go with you,” you told her as you set Ollie down next to Ophelia in the playpen outside.

“Coming, Princess!” Spencer ran outside and scooped the little girl up in his arms as he trekked up the steps.

“How about we go down like a penguin this time?” he suggested.

Jo nodded enthusiastically as Spencer got onto his belly and Jo laid on top of him and wrapped her hands around his neck.

“1…2…3!” Spencer pushed off and they raced down the slide again, Jo giggling the whole time.

“Again!” Jo said.

“I think we are going to have to buy one of these, love,” Spencer called over to you, laughing and running up the stairs right behind Jo again.

-

“Please welcome my lovely assistant to the stage,” Spencer spoke in his magician tuxedo.

You waved as the audience clapped. You were wearing a sparkly red sequin dress to compliment Spencer’s bow tie.

“I am going to make my assistant…disappear,” he stated.

The kids in the audience gasped.

Spencer took your hand and guided you to the big black box in the center of the stage.

“Just like we practiced,” he whispered to you as you stepped inside.

You winked and he kissed your hand as he let go and closed the door.

Spencer knocked on the door a few times and wiggled his hands for some showmanship.

“Okay, on the count of 3. We’re all going to yell ‘Abracadabra’,” Spencer explained, “1…2…3!”

“Abracadabra!” all the kids yelled.

Spencer set off a small smoke bomb and quickly opened the door, revealing an empty box.

The kids all screamed in wonder.

“Bring Mommy back!” Jo yelled.

You had to stifle your laughter from behind the fake wall in the box you were hiding behind.

“Your wish is my command, Princess,” Spencer closed the door again.

“To reverse the spell, we need to say the exact same word,” Spencer stated.

“Abracadabra!” the kids yelled once again.

This time, you opened the door and the kids clapped enthusiastically.

“For this next trick, I need a volunteer from the audience,” Spencer smiled.

All the kids’ hands shot up in the air.

“I’m going to have to go with the wonderful birthday girl right in the front row,” you took Jo’s hand and escorted her up onto the stage.

“Jo, I need you to pick a card, any card. Show the audience but not me,” Spencer fanned the cards out in his hands and closed his eyes.

Jo picked the ace of hearts and showed the audience.

“Now, put it back in the pile,” he said.

“Alright,” Spencer opened his eyes and began to shuffle the cards, “Is this your card?” he asked, holding the eight of spades.

“No, Daddy. Try again,” Jo said.

“Is this it?” he questioned, holding the queen of diamonds.

“No, Daddy.”

“Oh,” Spencer smacked his forehead, “I know where I put it,” he pulled off his top hat.

Spencer then proceeded to pull a bouquet of flowers, an endless handkerchief, a rubber chicken, and many other silly things out of his hat that had the kids in tears from laughing.

Finally, he pulled out the ace of hearts, “Is this your card, Princess?”

“Yes, Daddy!” she beamed, hugging him.

-

Jo’s birthday was a complete success. She was completely worn out by the end of it and slept in late the next morning.

But when she did finally wake, she was eager to try out her gift that you and Spencer had gotten her: a big kid bike with no training wheels. It was purple which was her favorite color with a white basket on the front and a little bell on the handlebars.

You and Spencer were going to teach her how to ride it today. She padded up with some knee pads and elbow pads and her helmet.

You had the twins in their double stroller with mini bucket hats on to protect them from the sun.

“Okay, Jo. Me and Daddy will run with you for a little but then we’re going to let go but you’re going to keep pedaling,” you explained to her.

“I’m scared,” she replied, looking at the street in front of her.

You were practicing in the street in front of your house because it wasn’t very busy and it was flat. Plus, you could leave the twins in the stroller in the driveway.

“It’s okay, Baby J. You’ve got all your padding on so even if you fall, it won’t hurt at all, I promise,” you assured her.

“I believe in you, Princess,” Spencer kissed her helmet-covered head.

“I’m ready,” she nodded, moving her feet to the pedals.

“That’s my girl,” you smiled.

You and Spencer began to jog alongside her as she pedaled.

Spencer looked at you, “Okay, Princess. We’re letting go.”

You and Spencer both removed your hands from her bike and she continued to speed forward.

“Yes, Jo! You’re doing it! ” you encouraged her.

“Princess, can you turn around and come back to me and Mommy?” Spencer asked.

Jo carefully steered her bike and headed back to you both with a massive smile on her face. You and Spencer were loudly cheering her on.

“Okay, try to brake,” you said.

Jo slowly came to a stop right in between you both.

“You’re a pro!” you grinned as you both knelt down to hug her.

-

Jo had been biking for the past hour and she was still having a blast.

You and Spencer were laying in the front yard with the twins in your laps.

“Mommy, Daddy! Look!” Jo exclaimed as she did donuts on the bike.

“We’re looking, Baby J,” you laughed, “Great job!”

You leaned your head on Spencer’s shoulder.

“Y/N…” Spencer began.

“Yes, Spence?”

“Thank you,” he replied.

“For what?” you looked up at him.

“All this,” he motioned to Jo, the twins, the house, the yard, the chalk drawings on the driveway, the rocking chairs on the front porch, the doormat that said ‘The Reids’, everything he ever dreamed of, “I love you so much.”

“I love you too,” you kissed him, “I’d give you the world if I could.”

“You already have,” he smiled.

A/N: thank you everyone so so so much for reading, commenting, reblogging, etc.! i love you all so much. i’m probably going to miss this too much and do one-shots of this series in the future. also, this series hit 14,000 on ao3! that’s crazy that that many people read my work. thank you, just thank you! -dory <3

main taglist (just ask to be added/removed!): @samuel-de-champagne-problems @g0lden-cth @spencerreid9 @averyhotchner @coldlilheart @k-k0129 @ickleronniekinsemotionalrange @harrystylesandthegoobs @cmily @jswessie187 @rem-ariiana @hoodpankow @mochionly @spencerreid-187 @babymetaldoll @fics4arainyday @ssavanessa22 @all-tings-diego @idonotexiste @beepbooptoop @tvandfanfic @mggsprettygirl @big-galaxy-chaos @navs-bhat

series taglist: @doctorreiding @reidsfish

[yaomomvs]

Hello I saw that your req are open if there not ignore this but I just read recovery girl... girl with todoroki and was wondering if you could do a bakugku one ? Thank you : )

apprentice | k. bakugou

in which you help bakugou bc you are recovery girl’s little protege

“oh great, you are awake now” bakugou hears a voice, a little bit more enthusiastic of what he was expecting.

you enter the infirmary with a bunch of medical supplies and some other stuff like a couple of sweets and... a sandwich?

“who the heck are you?” bakugou was indeed impulsive, but in fact he was a bit curious.

minutes before he woke up with a huge headache, when he realized he was in recovery girl’s place he groaned and tried to remember why he was there this time. but seeing you there, someone who was just about his age shocked him.

“watch your tone you brat, i’m the literal reason why you are alive!” you claim.

“wHO ARE YOU CALLING-“

“DONT DO THAT!” you yell back, but it was late. the blonde haired boy let out a groan fue to the sudden and awful pain he got in his abs area. trying to stands up to fight you definitely showed you how dumb he could be.

he flinches and sits up in the bed once again feeling how the blood starts covering the bandage in his stomach.

“great!” you say helping him recover his posture “now i have to do that again, why is the hero course so fucking stubborn and careless about themselves?”

he remembered the hero combat with class 1-B but he was surprised it got this far.

you pull him close and you try to place your hand in his stomach area but instead he pushed you away.

“look” you begin tired of him, looking directly to his eyes a bit too close for his taste “you wanna be a great hero? amazing but if you still think that title doesn’t mean accepting help from others then you should leave UA, so stop the bullshit and let me change your bandage”

katsuki is amuse because of the way you talked to him, the power and determination in your eyes actually left him... speechless.

and a bit red.

“tch!” was the only thing he managed to do “you are a bit of a pushover aren’t you?”

you laugh “if you are going to insult me, please try harder”

your touch was delicate, something kacchan actually never felt before. he kept looking at you, still curious on why was a teenager taking care of him.

“where’s the old lady?” he asks lifting his arms while you take the bandage out.

“recovery girl for you” you scold “and she was out there taking care of the other ones, but i think principal nezu came and asked to speak to her, poor nezu he is actually pissing off recovery girl so much allowing this kind of events oh shit” you interrupt yourself “guess i’ll have to do it”

“do wha-“

he couldn’t finish his sentence because a green light was already sparkling from your palm, once again you touched his damaged area, and as it was magic his most of his injure was already gone.

you step back and bakugou notices how you get dizzy so before you tripped, he actually holds you by your shoulder.

“did you just disappeared it? your quirk-“ he asks shocked.

you walk and get the half of the sandwich and start eating holding your head. “yeah, injure disappearance. i am able to disappear any injure someone has. but it comes with his side effects of course, mainly because i used it way too much today”

“then why did you do something so stupid if you already knew you reached your maximum capability dumbass?”

“well i wouldn’t have had to if certain someone sat still in his freaking bed!”

bakugou felt bad for a second but his pride was more than that, and he wasn’t one to apologize, instead he deviated the subject to another he was particularly interested in.

“so that’s why you work here?” he questions.

“ha! i wished i was even paid” you joke, and hand him the other part of the sandwich and some sweet treats.

“i am not a child” he rejects them.

“well if you don’t eat that you are not going to be awake for much longer” you talk back “your body needs sugar and something to eat, and you know it because i know you feel extremely tired mr bakugou”

he hates know-it-all people, and he wants to hate you for that, and it was his pride that actually made him ignore the fact that you were just stating the obvious.

“and i’m an apprentice only, i’m in the support department, since my quirk is not ‘hero compatible’” you mention, sitting next to him.

maybe he should not say something, but he was not sure why he wanted to help you too. he tries to convince himself it is because he literally owes you his well being and that he hates being in debt with someone.

“quite stupid of you actually” he says and before you sass him back he adds “because recovery girl picked you, and saving lives in any way is being a hero too sparkly hands”

you stay shocked and smirk a bit “so you are actually a softie awww”

“SHUT IT EXTRA”

in fact, he wanted silence, just to admire you, but of course he said to himself that he just wanted to stay in the infirmary a bit longer because ‘i guess sometimes i have to rest’

—

“what the hell are you doing here?!”

bakugou is not going to lie to himself anymore, so he admits being kinda confused and scared seeing you in his homeroom. class 1-A follows you with their eyes on your way to kacchan’s seat.

“i should be the one questioning that, dork” he talks back.

with that everyone is shocked.

“oi bakugou who is this hottie-”

“i dare you to go on, grape” you stand up for yourself, and with one look mineta shuts up “you know you can’t skip your daily health check up right?”

“the old lady said-”

“still i am the one who attends you, idiot, so you are my patient, and now in fact you owe me three more days helping me out after checking you in the infirmary” you make clear to him, almost face to face knowing that will piss him up.

“says who?”

“says me” you slowly go away in order to attend your next class “so come on katsuki, you are not gonna win this one, chao!”

“whatever loser” he scoffs, fighting to hide the smile knowing he actually enjoyed the little time he got with you while helping.

denki and kirishima remained silent as you walk out while sero starts smirking along with jirou just blinks as many others.

“BAKUGOU HAS A HEART!”

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT IDIOT?” he yells to denki.

“come on we all just see how you did not ditch or even yell at her! you are an asshole to us!” mina adds.

“WHAT NO”

“you did let her call you your first name, bakugou”

“SHUT UP HALF AND HALF BASTARD!”

[whataboringstory]

I don’t think we talk about how much of a feral country boy Merlin was in season one (and the earlier seasons generally).

I haven’t rewatched the show since May so my memory is a little rusty but this boy shows up to Camelot- a place where he will literally be murdered if he flashes his sparkly eyes around- with so much damn confidence. It’s a little iconic and my anxiety-ridden ass is a little jealous. But like only a little because feral country boy was a bit of a mess.

He shows up to Camelot and on his first day, he tries to start a fight with a knight. A KNIGHT. Not only is he a knight but he’s also the PRINCE. It’s good and all standing up for the little guy and trying to get the knights to treat the servant better but this feral country boy straight up RIPS OFF HIS JACKET and just LAUCHES himself at a fucking KNIGHT who was THROWING KNIVES a second ago. Feral. Iconic. Lil country boy has no shame and no self-preservation.

Then the next day, feral bastard bumps into Prince Prat again and just sasses him so fucking hard. Who gave him the authority to hold that much sass in his feral body. Feral boy then gets into annother goddam fight.

Again, my memory’s shite so I’m skipping to season 1 episode 4 when Merlin accuses Bayard(?) of poisoning Arthur’s chalice. Feral boy is so confident in that scene. He STARES this KING down that he just accused being like “it’s alright, I’ll drink the poison and you’ll see that this bitch is a lying stinky bitch that just tried to poison my prince. RIP me I guess but at least I’m not a liar” and downs the glass while keeping DIRECT EYE CONTACT. Feral energy.

Skipping ahead again to season 2 episode 1 because my memory’s shite. Feral farm boy full on BODYSLAMS Cedric into the floor, wrestles with him then crawls under Arthur’s bed trying to fucking catch him while Arthur is looking on so confused about why he’s in love with this fucking idiot who is ready to throw hands 24/7.

Jump to season 2 episode 7. Guias is accused of sorcery, Uther sentenced him to death, Aridian (i cba to google how to spell his name, bitch doesnt deserve a correct spelling) goes on about purging the magic out of him with fire. Feral farm lad pops out and starts shouting about how arridian is a liar and charges towards him. He then has to be half tackled and dragged away by Arthur while looking like an angry mouse. Then once Arthur has him out of sight in the dungeons, Feral country boy tries to deck Arthur in the face. Valid reaction but fucking feral.

I know there’s gotta be countless more examples but thats all I can come up with today. I really wonder what he was like in Ealdor. He was probably bullied a lot by the other kids, because 1) he’s a little magic boy who can barely control himself at the start, so he probably acted pretty strange in order to keep the secret 2) He’s a bastard 3) He’s a sweetheart who’s so kind and lovely and that’s often seen as a weakness in men(which is total bull). So yeah, he probably didn’t have the best time. But he did have his friend Will, who was also feral and very angry and probs not the best influence, but he really needed will there.(I bet they caused so much trouble in the village and I live for that thought). I think having to deal with people picking on him growing up probably caused him to have to have that bravado and willingness to always stand up for himself/others and get into physical fights with arseholes. He holds so much confidence even though he comes from no high-valued background and has 0 power (0 non-magical power). I think his magic also made him a little cocky. He was a cocky little bitch. Love to see it.

We love feral farm boy

[hispipsqueak]

Happy New Year

Bakugo x F! Pregnant Reader Fluff

Summary:

You and Bakugo have been keeping a secret, and plan to reveal it at your New Year’s Party.

A/N: Here’s some sweet fluff to end the year. I have a soft spot for Dad!Bakugo and had to write something adorable for him. I hope you enjoy it and your new year is full of happiness and love! Also, I had to look up so much stuff about pregnancy. I hope no one finds my search history :P

TW: Pregnancy. mild cursing. Otherwise, super mega fluffy!

“Why do they have to come over?!” Bakugo grumbled for the thirtieth time. 

You looked up from the pan you were currently scrubbing. 

“Katsuki...they’re our friends! Plus, we are going to announce the big news.” You looked down at your small baby bump.

You and Bakugo had found out you were going to be parents nearly 5 months ago and you both were extremely excited. You had waited to tell everyone until it was deemed safe by your doctor and with the new year approaching, you figured it would be easy to gather everyone you loved to spill the news.

Of course, Bakugo was going to make it difficult though. 

You knew he was just as excited as you about the addition to your little family, but whereas you were open about discussing all your fears, thoughts, and anxieties, Bakugo was a little more closed off and channeled the extra stress into other things.

You went back to washing the dishes and felt your husband’s biceps wrap around your body, his hands softly resting on your belly. He nuzzled into your neck.

“We could just send a text and stay in together. Watch the fireworks from the balcony, relax. Plus, are you sure you want those loud idiots stressing you and the baby out?” He murmured into your ear.

You giggled and swatted him with the dish rag. 

“I literally live with a walking explosion and you’re worried our friends are too loud? I mean sure, maybe Present Mic, but I doubt he doesn’t already have plans.” You trailed off, before he spun you around and lifted you up, bridal style.

“That’s enough, off to bed with you mama. You’re too snappy tonight and clearly not thinking straight.” He chuckled as you squealed into his chest.

“‘Tsuki, you’re so annoying!” You laughed as he gently tossed you into bed.

He crawled on top of you, pressing your body into the soft mattress and mountains of pillows you insisted on sleeping with.

“I may be annoying, but I’m also the father of this little brat inside you.” He muttered, vermillion eyes shining. You smiled up at him.

He had grown up a lot since your UA days. While he still had his hot-headed moments, he was playful and more considerate of your feelings and you knew he was going to be an amazing father. He even changed his screensaver on his phone to your sonogram, though he would never admit it. 

“We’re gonna have fun, babe. It’s gonna be a good night with all our friends and we can finally be open about the baby. Plus, it’d be nice for our kid to meet all their aunts and uncles.” You grinned, thinking of how your friends would react to this.

Katsuki groaned, rolling over. “Kiri is gonna fucking cry, I know it.” 

You laughed and curled up next Bakugo. 

“Yeah...probably.”

-------

New Year’s Eve was finally here. You had been busy preparing everything for the party tonight and your heart fluttered at the idea of sharing your big news with everyone. Bakugo had to finish up some last minute stuff at the agency so he was going to be home right before the party began. You were pulling another tray of baked sweets out of the oven when your phone chirped.

You glanced over to see another message from your group chat with the girls.

Mina: Can’t wait to see you Y/N, I MISS YOU

Momo: Are you sure you don’t need us to bring anything? We don’t want to be bad guests.

Ochaco: We can also help set up if you need us to! 

Y/N: I’m totally fine. Katsuki arranged for food to be delivered and Sero and Kirishima are picking up all the drinks for tonight. Just bring yourselves!

Y/N: Also yes, before you ask, I am making cookies.

Mina: HECK YES! :)

They started arranging transportation plans and you clicked your phone off, to focus on transferring the cookies onto a cooling tray. Once that was settled, you jogged upstairs to get dressed. Luckily, you weren’t really showing yet so your friends wouldn’t immediately know when you greeted them, but you still wanted to wear something loose and flowy.

You settled on a deep red dress that cinched right under your chest and opened in an A-line skirt. You rifled through your jewelry box until you found the necklace Katsuki had given you for your birthday. It was a large black teardrop shaped diamond on a simple thin silver chain. You reached behind your back to clasp the necklace and felt a warm hand enclose yours.

“I didn’t even hear you come in.” You smiled looking at your husband in the mirror. He finished attaching your necklace and met your eyes. 

“I just got here. The food’s here too, so everything’s done. I just need to get dressed.” He said, twirling you around so you were facing him. He rubbed your tiny bump. “How’s the brat been today?”

“Surprisingly chill. Though the baby did require a couple pints of ice cream for breakfast.” You laughed.

“Uh-huh...blame it on the baby.” He chuckled and gave you a kiss on your forehead. You could smell the scent of his body wash, a spicy cinnamon musk combined with his natural caramel scent. He must have showered at the agency and you buried your face in his chest, enveloping yourself in him.

“Stop sniffing me like a dog, crazy woman.” He flicked you on the head and you pouted. He crouched down so he could kiss your belly.

“I’m sorry your mama is nuts.” He laughed before pressing his lips to your stomach. 

You smiled. Though you were excited to tell your friends about the news, you kind of loved having this little secret just between you two. These moments, with just you, Bakugo, and the baby, were magical and felt so...pure. Untainted from anything.

-----

“We’re HERE!” Mina’s voice echoed through your entryway. She was dressed in a gold sparkly jumpsuit and her aura just screamed “Happy New Year”. She was followed by Momo, dressed in a sparkly green dress and Tsu, who wore yellow sundress. Soon the door opened again and Ochaco was ushered in by Deku. You grinned at her blushing face. Her and Deku had finally admitted their feelings for each other after years of pining and they were adorable together. She had on a cute pink knee-length dress that matched Deku’s tie, which contrasted nicely against the dark teal suit he wore.

The rest of your friends piled in slowly afterwards, with Sero and Kirishima carrying cases of booze. You had made sure to stock your house with plenty of non-alcoholic drinks as well but you knew the rest of your friends planned to party hard, since it was rare to all get together.

Once everyone made it in, and Iida stopped arm chopping at Denki for some unknown broken social rule, Kirishima raised his beer.

“Can we just toast to Y/N and Bakubro, for hosting this party? It feels like a million years since I’ve seen you guys.”

You giggled and looked at your husband. He rolled his eyes and looked at you nodding. You turned back to the group.

“Actually, we invited you here because of something else…” You looked down at your belly, and heard gasps.

“ARE YOU…?”

“You’re…?”

“Wait what…?”

Bakugo looked exasperated with the suspense.

“We’re having a baby, idiots.”

A loud cheer erupted from your friends and immediately you were swarmed by the girls, asking a million questions. The guys were clapping Bakugo on the back and as expected Kirishima was already tearing up.

“So manly bro. You’re gonna be the manliest dad!” He sobbed while squeezing Bakugo in a tight hug. Sero and Denki snickered watching this. 

“Get off of me idiot. I’m not the pregnant one.” Bakugo growled trying to pry the redhead off him. Kirishima turned to you and started hugging you tightly. 

“I’m so proud of you guys!”

“You’re proud of them for —”

A ribbon of tape wrapped itself around Kaminari’s mouth before he could finish his sentence. You threw a grateful look toward Sero, who grinned over his beer.

The rest of the night turned into an impromptu baby shower, with everyone fawning over you two. You were asked a zillion questions, everyone offered to babysit, and even Todoroki offered his quirk if you ever needed pain relief (which Bakugo immediately shot down).

“I can take care of my own wife, IcyHot Bastard.” He grunted through his teeth. You smacked Bakugo upside the head before apologizing to Todoroki. You placed your hand back to rest on your belly and felt a small flutter. 

“Holy shit...babe!” You’re mouth dropped. Immediately, the room went quiet and Bakugo rushed to your side. 

“What, what’s wrong??!” He placed his hand on your stomach and his eyes widened.

“The baby...the baby’s kicking.” You smiled, eyes pricking with tears. The two of you looked at each other and you could see tears threatening to spill from your husband’s eyes. He grabbed your face in his hands and kissed you deeply, seeming to forget where he was.

“I love you, I love you both so goddamn much” He whispered to you, before kissing you again. 

“Bro, you’re gonna make her have twins!” Kaminari yelled out, before being smacked in the head by both Mina and Kirishima. You giggled and pulled your husband close to you, before he blasted his friend out of the house. 

“Guys, it’s almost midnight!” Momo said looking at her watch. “Ten…”

“Nine…”

“Eight…”

You looked around at all your cheering friends.

“Seven…”

“Six…”

You looked at your husband, who gave you a soft smile back.

“Five…”

“Four…”

You looked down at your baby bump.

“Three...two...one.”

“Happy New Year!”

[speedybooksandcreativeheaven]

I Hear a Symphony

Summary: James Anderson the new CEO of Anderson Toys is hosting a gala to honor Harold’s passing and to celebrate the new CEO of the company. Mika and the reader have been excited to attend as her date Andrew is her plus one. The reader has a crush on one of the elder incubi but hides it well, until fate, some magic, and a simple song can bring these feelings forward.

Word Count: 2K

You’re Invited,

To celebrate the life of Harold Anderson at the Anderson Toy Factory tomorrow night at 7 pm!

Please come and celebrate!

We hand off the invite to the man at the door as we follow him inside. Mika and I walked inside the Anderson Toy Factory to see the beautiful gold and white decorations carefully placed around. As our shoes clack with the marble floor, we notice the clean tables, buffet, and dance floor. As I look up from my shoes I see Mika squeal as she sees Andrew, her boyfriend dressed up in a fitted tux with his pocket sleeve matching the color of Mika’s dress looking very professional. As he notices us he gives Mika a quick kiss while he hugs me.

“You guys made it!” he smiles looking at our outfits, “Wow! You both look amazing!” he comments as Mika does a cute turn while I just thank him.

Mika wore a detailed red dress with matching sparkly heels. Her hair was braided down her back while she blushes at her boyfriend’s comment. I wore a white and silver dress with silver flats. I was never the one to wear high heels as I felt better touching the floor. Erik spent a lot of time making my dress, which made him very happy. However, James and Sam didn’t appreciate his brothers’ motives. Although some people, like our father, didn’t really like that I didn’t act like a lady at these events.

“You don’t look half bad yourself Andrew!” Mika flirts as his cheeks blush.

I glanced around the room to not see the boys yet as Andrew catches on, “So, Y/N looking for your boyfriends I assume?” he teases as I quickly slap him to shut him up with a worried glance in case they overheard.

“Mika, why did you tell him!?” I sigh, “Well I had to because tonight is your chance! I know that he likes you back too!” she smiles at my frown face.

“You don’t know that for sure.” I sigh as more people show up chatting within their circles.

We hear a microphone glitching as we glance to see the man himself, James Anderson making his way toward the mic with a sorrowful but proud face. They are all wearing professional suits that Erik made himself, with their signature demon colors in their pocket sleeves. I smirk as Mika never knew what happened back then when I was saved by them from Malix. She ended up dating Andrew when our mother introduced them at the house party six months ago. They have been together since then. The boys have been by her side ever since, she caught feelings for the eldest James, the flirt Erik, and the brute Sam. The brothers notice her in the large crowd of people as Matthew and Damien wave, Erik gave an air kiss, while Sam nudged him while giving his signature smirk, James’s face palms while he gives a respectful nod. I laugh at their reactions as they are all brothers after all. Behind him, I notice Sam, Matthew, Damien, and Erik standing proud while James started to speak with the room hanging onto every word. Damn their demon magic!

“Welcome everyone, today we celebrate the passing of Harold Anderson the CEO of Anderson Toys. Harold was a grandfather, father and friend to anyone and everyone. I and my brothers didn’t know Harold very well, but he treated us like we were his family, he gave me, and my brothers a hope, and purpose to explore our lives and to find out who we are.” James adjusts his glasses as he takes a deep breath, “Although his life was taken from him in a short time tonight I pledge in my name that I James Anderson will continue his vision along with my brothers!”

Later that evening…

Most of the guests left as it was just the boys, our parents, and Andrew. We see that the boys leave the stage to join us as the event winds down. I had my back turned so I couldn’t see Matthew sneaking up on me as Mika and Andrew started to laugh while they notice James and Erik’s stares while Sam is laughing with Damien at his attempt.

“What’s with all the laughing?” I question before I am lifted and spun around in Matthew's arms while I’m screaming with joy.

“Matthew! Put me down! Ha. Ha. Ha.” I laugh as I hug him while he places me back on my feet.

He laughs before wiping his hand over his head, “I’m sorry, but I wanted to surprise you.” His baby blue eyes look so innocent that I couldn’t stay mad at him.

I notice everyone surrounds us as we all hug, while Andrew gives handshakes to the boys while Mika and he are holding hands.

“Give me a twirl, princess! I did make her dress myself you know,” Erik brags as I blush in twirling embarrassment. “Along with my brother's suits!” he brags towards Mika and Andrew while Sam scoffs.

As I was giving my twirl, the three eldest incubi gave each other death glares as they all knew that they fell in love with her but since they were brothers they always wanted to outshine the other one. Before the brothers could start to argue the soft melody started as it was the last dance of the night, and many couples made their way, including my sister with Andrew.

I used to hear a simple song

That was until you came along

Now in its place is somethin' new

I hear it when I look at you

“Y/N, do me the honor of having this dance?” James smirks as she accepts his hand in his stronghold. Walking hand in hand to the middle of the dance floor she could feel his gaze, it was full of passion and love. Something that I didn’t understand before.

I’m blushing so much that I couldn’t see the angry stares that the rest of the brothers were giving the eldest. James led me towards the dance floor with just fairy lights, providing a romantic feel between us. He led her with precise steps and movements, it was almost like they were a royal couple. She danced as if her innocence was peaking through the clouds, led by the incubi in question she floated on air with the dancing beginning to move quicker and quicker. She could feel James’s hand slip as he spin her right into Erik’s intense gaze causing her to be off balance as he caught her in a dramatic dip-like style.

With simple songs, I wanted more

Perfection is so quick to bore

You are my beautiful, by far

Our flaws are who we really are

“Looks like I caught you, Princess? You feel so much better in my arms, don’t you think?” he coos, as he lifts her back up to stare at his piercing purple eyes as they continue the dance. Erik’s sharp eyes never left her form as he added in steps and flips making me giggle to hang onto him. She read into the lyrics as they both had flaws with Erik’s mask up from his mother’s teachings. He slowly removed it as they lived together, showing me who Erik is.

She could tell that her breathing become ragged as the various couples and guests were just faded black outlines. He couldn’t notice as her face was a blank slate but inside she was trying to piece her feelings together as well as her loss of her grandfather. The room felt like it was spinning with all of my feelings and emotions arising during the dance. ‘They’re my friends, I shouldn’t have these strong feelings for him. I told myself not to fall for them but with their sexuality and charm it’s hard not to.

While she was distracted by her thoughts another set of arms caught her, she looked up to see those forest green eyes that she could get lost in.

“Oi! Doofus, you need to be more careful. You know that saving your butt could get annoying.” He smirks and winks making her laugh. His hands are so soft and gentle like he is afraid to hurt her.

His gaze along with James and Erik is so focused on me. It's like they want to impress me I think. I start to blush, while our dance movements flow with ease as it pierces through with the music. Living with the incubi made her realize that sometimes people need time to adjust. She is reminded when Sam and her first met, a simple kiss, a slap and then an apology. From him! Even his brothers were surprised at his concern over the girl.

I used to hear a simple song

That was until you came along

You took my broken melody

And now, I hear a symphony

All of his brothers took time to open up due to being raised in the demon world, the eldest three enjoyed their time before they met the girl. Being able to experience the human world as a real family, as Matthew put it.

Sam gave her one last spin while affectionately kissing her hands before letting her stand in the middle of the dance floor with James standing in the middle, Erik on the left, and Sam on the right. They stand while glancing at each other quickly since they have all fallen for the same girl. Sam clenches his fists, while James and Erik maintain their composure being the two eldest.

Her worried eyes start to tear up as she is thinking, ‘How come I’m stuck with this mess inside? I wish you were here to tell me what to do, I’m so lost and alone. I don’t know who I am or what I should do!’ She could feel the demon energy feeding off of the incubi as she just stares at the stage at her grandfather’s name on the banner. ‘I wish you were here.’

She could see the music notes float around the floor, almost like stars. Each of them lighting up around the incubi. She noticed that their hands were showing their demon marks outstretched for her to grab and be pulled into their chests. She has a choice to make but she doesn’t know which is the right one as she gasps in frustration. She fell in love with them for different reasons and this dance has shown their feelings clearly. Everything started to consume her as she felt like tar stuck in place. She took one last glance at the scene before bolting, heavy breathing was mixed with tears that she couldn’t hear her name being called.

And now, I hear

A symphony

“Y/N, wait!” I hear someone call my name in a rashes tone.

Mika watched as her distressed sister ran, away from the comfort, from everything. She knew that James, Erik, and Sam fell for her, but she didn’t know that they would pour out their hearts on the dance floor.

[alltooreid]

All Too Well

Spencer must go to him and Y/N’s once shared apartment to clean out his things and leave her life forever. While there he can’t help but look back on his actions, the ones that made him lose the love of his life forever

A/N: Hi!! This is my first fanfic ever published on here and I’m excited to share it with you all! It’s inspired by one of my favorite Taylor Swift songs All Too Well, but although I utilized some of the lyrical genius and imagery from it, the story is not the same as the story in the song. This is a very angsty fic, and there is not a happy ending. Although there are some cute fluffy elements, including a Reid’s purple scarf origin story, I would in no way call this happy. Additionally, because of a reason you may later realize, the content warnings are very vague. If anything even slightly mentioned in them may affect you, I advise you to maybe stay clear. On a lighter note, if anyone wants to request anything, whether it’s another song inspired fic or a general plot line you would like to see please do so!! Also sorry this is kinda short, I’m still learning but I’m really proud of this one :))

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem Reader

Type: Very Angsty, Not a Happy Ending, (Y/N and Spencer do not end up together)

Word Count: 2.4k

Content Warnings(try to ignore if you would prefer to stay surprised): slight cursing, discussions of death and gore, discussion of car crash

Things to Know: Italics and bold are flashback moments :) let me know what you think!

“But you keep my old scarf from that very first week 'Cause it reminds you of innocence And it smells like me You can't get rid of it 'Cause you remember it all too well”

Spencer was packing up his things, finally getting the chance to clear out and move from the apartment he and Y/N once shared.  Their relationship was rocky and unconventional but he loved her all the same. Even though he left her broken-hearted and destroyed his most cherished relationship. Even though Y/N’s parents now hated him because of what he did to her. Even though hope of repairing what they once had was long gone and there was nothing else he could do about it. Even though he had torn up the masterpiece they once had together. He still loved her so much.

But the magic was gone and so was she. 

Now Spencer was left with memories, and since the apartment they lived in was hers instead of his, filed entirely under hers and her parents name. In his excessive knowledge and wisdom, Spencer Reid struggled to understand how the kitchen where Y/N told him she loved him for the first time as he lit the candle on the collapsing confetti cake he had attempted to bake for her birthday was in no way legally tied to him. 

“Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to Y/N! Happy birthday to you!” Spencer sang as he lit the single pink birthday candle he found after rummaging through his desk drawers for longer than he cared to admit. He knew it was in there somewhere, but at the same time there was a whole lot in there. 

As he looked at her face, eyes welling up with tears as she took in the sad, homemade excuse for a birthday party Spencer had thrown together after they got back from a case hours before, he couldn’t help but feel he should have done more. He wanted to take her to New York, where they would’ve enjoyed fine dining and one of those incredibly detailed floral frosting cakes he knew Y/N was infatuated with. 

However, the case in Oregon ran long. They had only returned to their apartment 2 hours ago, hours past their 7pm dinner reservations. Although Y/N tried to hide her disappointment, you don’t need to be a profiler to know that someone wants to celebrate their own birthday. So although they had agreed to go to bed and play everything by ear tomorrow, the young genius had, what he would still argue to be, his most brilliant idea when he saw Y/N asleep once he got out of the shower.

It was still her birthday.

And Spencer had just under 2 hours to throw you a party. 

So sure, Y/N deserved more than a cake that was definitely not cool enough to frost, but was frosted anyway due to time constraints. And she definitely deserved more than present hastily wrapped in his printed out articles and newspaper clippings. Spencer wished that he had time to go buy new candles, instead of lighting a green sparkly number 7 because it was all he could find.

But it was almost midnight, and that meant he only had 18 minutes before it wasn’t Y/N’s birthday anymore.

So instead of dwelling on it, he headed to their bedroom, shook her awake and watched her roll over to face him. He watched the smile overtake her face as she said the stupid party hat he was wearing, made out of a pom pom and a wedding invitation.

“Hey birthday girl,” he said softly, “you do realize you’re sleeping through your party right?”

She looked so happy that night, even as she saw the way too messy kitchen and her birthday cake that was melting by the second. She laughed as Spencer fumbled with the lighter. 

And as he finished singing her eyes started releasing tears. 

“I’m sorry sweetheart, I wish we could’ve done more for the first birthday we get to spend together. “

“No, no, no” she said as she wiped her tears away, “It’s not that at all.”

She smiled and looked up at him “I just love you so goddamn much Spencer.”

Although at one point, all Spencer knew was logic and logically Y/N had never ever known him when she filed her paperwork, the genius still struggled to grasp the concept. That even before the ending of it all, you had no legal, definite connection to her at all. 

How was nothing about this place, his? 

  All that he knew was that he had today to pack all his shit and leave. All he knew is that Y/N’s father had made it very clear none of their family wanted to see him again. 

He wished he could talk to Y/N about it. However all of his calls went to voicemail immediately. 

Logically, Spencer knew why, he had completely fucked up. 

But still, he called every single day, as there was nothing his heart wished for more than to speak to Y/N again. To apologize, to beg for forgiveness he knew he didn’t deserve.

As the cold air from the open windows blew into the apartment, Spencer couldn’t help but feel he was leaving his home behind. Everything left of her was going to be here, and he wouldn’t get to experience any part of the life you and him had once shared together anymore.

But then he saw it. 

The royal purple scarf Y/N bought the day of their first date. 

“You like this color right?” she asked as they stopped by a booth at the street festival she had taken him to. Spencer was too distracted as he watched the other couples on dates, as they walked hand and hand down the streets. He sometimes wished he could forget things like the number of germs and bacteria that lived on her hands. He at least wished he could forget long enough to gather enough courage to hold Y/N’s hand as they walked down the sidewalk.

“Hmm?” he said, looking back at her, then the scarf she was now wearing. “Oh, yeah! I love that color, it um- looks great on you.”

She smiled, then turned to the weird old guy running the stand. “How much for the scarf?” she asked.

He looked at her, then looked at Spencer, “depends which one of you is paying.”

Before Spencer could say anything, let alone pull out his wallet, Y/N already had hers out. 

“Well, for a pretty lady like you, it’s 2 dollars,” the man said.

She handed him five and turned to Spencer. “You hear that? I’m so pretty I get 80% off! Wonder what you would’ve paid huh pretty boy? He would probably owe you money.” The man handed her her change and whispered something Spence couldn’t quite catch. 

“Gross,” Y/N said as they exited the booth, “he wrote his number on my change.”

Spencer chuckled, “Did you really just buy that scarf because I like the color of it?”

She smiled, “Don’t get so cocky now Einstein, I like purple too you know? And maybe if you’re lucky I’ll let you borrow it.”

At that moment Spencer felt just okay enough to wrap his arm around Y/N’s, and she felt just right enough to wrap the new scarf around them both. 

The one she left next to her front door, after making the last minute decision to leave it at home the night of their final outing.

No one would notice if he….. Right?

Sure maybe Y/N would but what would she do about it? Hunt him down just to get a scarf she paid less than five dollars for? Definitely not. 

He wrapped it around his neck and closed his eyes, even days later he could perfectly picture Y/N singing in his car, fascinated by the autumn leaves falling around her. He felt the wind in his hair, but instead of the cold, dreary air from the open apartment window, he swore he could remember the warm air from that October night. 

“Spencer I know you hate it but please, please, please. I’m so tired.”

“Sweetheart you’re not tired, you’re drunk. Of course I have to drive you home.”

“Oh, whatever.”

A phone call broke him away from his memories, it was Hotch. Spencer was angry, how effortlessly cruel of him to call him during such an emotional time. Hotch knew how much Spencer loved Y/N, the whole team did. 

So he didn’t pick up.

Instead he walked over to the coffee table they used to put their feet on when they binged watched Doctor Who together. Letting the ringtone play out in the background, Spencer picked up an old photo album Y/N’s parents must have brought out. Of course he remembered it, it was the same one they flipped through when he met Y/N’s parents for the first time. He didn’t realize she had brought it home with her.

His eyes welled up with tears as he flipped through the old school pictures, remembering how embarrassed Y/N was of her big glasses. He saw her old athlete pictures from when she used to play tee ball, and flipped through more pictures until he reached the end of your softball career, in college. 

He remembered how hard Y/N blushed when she showed him her childhood bedroom. Her twin sized bed was full of stuffed animals and her walls covered in boy band posters. 

“You know what Spencer? I don’t want to hear it. I loved and still love the BackStreet Boys and I am not ashamed of that.”

He laughed, “You know, before we started dating I always thought you were so cool and unattainable. I imagined that you had always been this chic, beautifully brilliant badass. It’s oddly comforting to know that you wore tortoiseshell glasses and had a fruitless infatuation with Nick Carter.”

She gasped, before tossing her tabby cat stuffed toy at him, “You’re about to get it!”

Once again he was called out of the memory by his phone. 

And once again he let it ring.

Spencer went into their shared bedroom, most of his things were already put into boxes for him. Honestly he was surprised that they hadn’t been set on fire or thrown away after what he did. 

Soon it was time for him to take his things down to his car.

Except it wasn’t even his car. It was Morgan’s.

“Spencer, you are the most gorgeous man I have ever seen in my entire life. I am infatuated with you, I want us to spend the rest of our lives together.”

“You sure that isn’t the alcohol talking Y/N”

“Look at me Spencer, no, no really look at me.”

He couldn’t imagine ever using his old car again after what had happened in it.

“You are my future.”

Not that he could use it again.

“You are my everything.”

It was pretty much destroyed, after that accident on that little town street.

“I want nothing more in my life, than for you to be in it.”

When he was so enamored by Y/N, so in love that he couldn’t take his eyes off her, that he ran a red light.

And the truck waiting to go didn’t stop either.

“SPENCER! SPENCER CAN YOU HEAR ME? I NEED YOU TO CALL 911!” she screamed, her voice filled with agony, her limbs mangled in a sea of crushed mental and snapped backwards by the emergency airbag she didn’t realize she was resting her feet on.

Spencer had already called 911. That was the sickest thing about it. Spencer was, physically, perfectly fine. Spencer would get to leave the hospital after just a few days. Spencer could’ve probably gotten out of the car if he tried to. But he stayed, he stayed with Y/N, as she wasn’t fine. As Spencer looked down on her broken body, and tried desperately to find just one piece of skin that wasn’t coated in blood, her blood, that is when he realized. That not only could Y/N not walk out of the hospital with him, but she probably wouldn’t even make it there.

So he sobbed, he struggled to breathe, not because of the ways Y/N did, but because he had caused all the reasons she couldn’t.

“Hey, Spencer, look at me.”

So he did, and he reached for her hands and held them so tightly, and wanted one last time to feel her squeeze back. And she did, just ever so softly. 

“Spencer, I meant everything I said to you. I want you to spend the rest of my life with me. Please.”

“I love you so much Y/N”

“I love you too.”

Spencer was drawn away from his memories once again as he got another phone call. 

But it wasn’t Hotch this time. It was Mr. Y/L/N, so he answered it. He owed him that.

“Are you out of her house yet? You’ve had hours. I want you gone Spencer.”

Spencer sighed, “I’m leaving now sir, I’m just putting the last of my things in the trunk and then I’ll be gone.”

“Good, I never want to see you again Spencer, you hear me?” Mr. Y/L/N said. “And you better not have anything of hers either. All that stuff in your car better belong to you and you only. If Y/N paid for even a dime of it it better still be in that house.”

Spencer looked down at this scarf he was wearing, the one that still smelled like her perfume. The one that he couldn’t bring himself to take off because he reminded him of so much innocence and beauty.

“Yes sir, I didn’t take anything.”

“Good. And Spencer do me a favor.”

“Anything sir.”

“Go fuck yourself.” Mr. Y/L/N said, and then hung up. Spencer sighed, he expected that and fully deserved it.

How else should a father react when you kill his daughter?

“'Cause there we are again when I loved you so Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well”